Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #52
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

What were you afraid of as a child?

I can’t think of anything. As a kid, I was kind of fearless and was the ultimate badass kid. Unfortunately, as I grew up, wised up, and reality made an impact. I lived in my own world as a child and was untouchable.

Waffle Fries or a Baked Potato?

The waffle fries for sure. I’ve never been a big fan of baked potatoes. They’re okay, but I prefer my potato-based treats to be bite-sized.

What makes you awesome?

My sense of humor, my great insight into the world, and the fact that I may be fat have only one leg, need a shave, and need a haircut, but I still manage to be a sexy beast. Ask your boyfriend. He knows.

If you are what you eat, then what are you?

I guess I’d be chicken nuggets and tater tots. Yes, I eat like an 8-year-old.

What’s something you might say to someone who drives a vehicle with their high beams/brights on?

Usually, I would drive by, flip them the bird as our cars pass, and mutter under my breath, “Dim the lights, asshole!”.

Do You Believe In UFO’s?

Objects in the sky that can’t be identified. Yeah, I think they’re real.

How many times have you been to prison?

At least a dozen times. But to clarify, I was not a houseguest and resident. I’ve been to prison on several occasions to visit friends, both named Chris ironically enough. One was an old childhood friend, and his Mom asked me to ride with her. So, I did. And the other? I was a dumb-ass and in love. What more needs to be said?

What is one thing you will never do again?

Tap dance. I was never very good at it to start with, but now, with just one leg, I guess it’d be more of a tap-hop now. And I’ll never work in a store again. Again, it’s medical reasons. I loved those jobs and that human interaction, but I can’t physically do it now. Yeah, it sucks.

Which song has a vocal performance so raw you can feel the pain?

Listen to Caitlynne Curtis singing “God, We Need You Now”, along with Struggle Jennings. The raw emotion in Struggle’s voice is incredible enough, but when Caitlynne sings, I still literally get goosebumps. It’s an amazing song by two very talented people.

Your restaurant bill is $68.59. How much are you tipping the waitress?

It all depends on the service. I’ve never had a bill that high, but I prefer to eat cheap and do the buffet thing or use coupons. But back to the tip. Good service and good food? I’d probably do $10. I know, it’s probably not enough by today’s entitled standards, but I’m a man on a budget, and times are hard.

What celebrity have you lost all respect for?

Bette Midler. She’s an amazing singer and many years ago, I was a fan. And then, politics happened. And she revealed her true colors and true nature. She’s a damn crazy ass, delusional, entitled, POS bitch. She’s still a good singer, but as a person, she’s a piece of trash.

Eggs or pancakes for breakfast?

If I’m cooking, eggs. And if someone else is cooking, pancakes. I prefer pancakes, but it’s too much of a hassle and mess.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up shop for today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Five & Dime.

Ubuntu!