Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #58
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

Does relish belong on a hot dog?

Not on my hot dog. Relish is nasty. If I want something green on my hot dog, I’ll go with cole slaw. I think relish is a Yankee thing. I’m not a Yankee anymore.

Do you eat at least one Donut per week?

No. Unfortunately, I do not. The world would be a much better place if we had more donuts, but that would require leaving the house more often. Dougie doesn’t play that.

What is one thing you would like never to have to do again?

Visit a doctor or go back to the hospital. I’ve more than filled my quota of medical appointments over the past 4-5 years. I’ve had enough.

If you could meet one of your heroes, who would it be and why?

The infamous K-Mak. I’d love to meet him for some bro time sometime over this upcoming weekend. I miss that awesome dude. And other heroes? Alice Cooper, of course. Why? Why not?

What was the last film you saw?

I watched Clerks 2 last night on Tubi. I was stressing and needed a laugh and stumbled across that instant classic. Jay & Silent Bob can always make me feel better.

Can you name a better villain than the Joker?

The Red Skull, Magneto, and Baron Zemo all come to mind, but let’s be honest about it. The Joker is the ultimate bad guy.

Would you fly on a transparent aircraft?

I don’t like heights and you’re talking about being 20,000 feet in the air in a plane where I can see everything, such as the ground, the clouds, other planes, etc. Hell no, I won’t go. Do I look like Wonder Woman to you?

Where is your “happy place?”

In the arms of a certain young man who lives out in the country going towards Maxton. Or in my bed. Either works, so long as I can get away from my family, pets, and the rest of this rotten world.

If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be?

No one comes to mind. Why would I want to be anyone else, but me? After all, I’m a sexy beast and we’re hard to find. Okay, change that. I’d switch with Elon Musk. Why? He’s a multi-billionaire and I’d use my day as the Musk Man to get up a trust fund for real-me of a few million bucks. He’d never know and I’d be set for life.

What is one thing you’d like to achieve in the next five years?

Only one thing? Do I pick getting married to a dude that I love? Do I pick writing a book of the life, times, and wisdom of Dougie? Do I start a podcast? Do I start an OnlyFans? So many options to choose from. But the main thing I’d like to achieve. I’d like to be happy.

If you could have a super power, what would you choose?

I’m not flashy and wouldn’t want something freaky or obvious. I’d want something that I could use or not use discreetly, and still be me, but with a cool-ass ability. Let’s go with limited mind control and telepathy. Yeah, that would work for me.

Who’s your favorite fictional family of all time?

The Addams Family, of course. Are there really any other right choices? I don’t think so.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Sno-Cone Machine.

Ubuntu!