Doug’s Bad Joke Corner
Bad & Offensive Jokes IV
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Disclaimer: These are bad. I mean really bad, both in the offensive category and some are just groaners. If anyone is offended, lighten up already. They’re jokes. When it comes to humor, nothing should be off-limits. I don’t care if it’s race, religion, sexual orientation, or anything else. I like to laugh and sometimes groan loudly. And believe me, after these jokes, you’ll probably do both. It’s just a little something to break the monotony. If you think this stuff is sick, you haven’t seen anything yet.

So take the stick out of your butt and get ready to laugh, or at least smirk. And if you dare to call me racist or homophobic because of these, get over it. I’m a gay, fat man with one leg who sometimes identifies as a rich black chick from New Orleans named Joaquina. So blah to that. Now prepare to laugh. You’re welcome.

What do you call an Ethiopian with buck teeth?
A rake.

What’s the best part about having sex with a transgender?
Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

What did the Leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.

What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

Do you know why white people have so many pets?
Because they’re not allowed to own people anymore.

My first relationship was actually very similar to Forrest Gump and Jenny.
I was retarded, and she was a whore.

What do you call a failed abortion?
Survival of the Fetus.

What’s nine inches long, red, and makes a woman scream?
Her miscarriage.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery.
Except for abortion jokes because there is no delivery.

What’s the worst part about your girlfriend having a miscarriage?
Trying to act upset.

What did Hilter get his niece for her birthday?
An Easy Bake Oven.

What do you call a black lady who’s had seven abortions?
A crime fighter.

Why did the Seaman cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong socks today.

What do you call a fat Chinese person?
A chunk.

What’s faster than a black lady with food stamps?
A Jew with a coupon.

What’s the worst part about being a black Jew?
Having to sit in the back of the oven.

Do you know why Helen Keller couldn’t drive?
Because she was a woman.

What do you call a gay guy in a wheelchair?
Rolaids.

What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs?
Names.

How do you know when a redneck is on her period?
When she’s only wearing one sock.

Why did the blonde put her IPad in the blender?
Because she wanted to make Apple Juice.

What do you call a bunch of retards in a sauna?
Steamed vegetables.

Why don’t black people go on cruises?
Because they’re not falling for that one again.

What do you call a white guy who plays with himself?
A cracker jack.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they slow down in school zones.

What do clocks and pedophiles have in common?
Neither of them go past 12.

How do you keep a blonde busy for a weekend?
Give her a piece of paper that says, “Please turn over”, on both sides.

Why can’t blondes call 911?
Because they can’t find the 11.

Did you hear about the blonde who died while drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.

What do you call a blonde with a high IQ?
A Golden Retriever.

Why did the blonde put TGIF on her shoes?
It stands for Toes Go In First.

What do you call a blonde holding a yellow balloon?
Siamese twins.

Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

How did the paraplegic cross the road?
Apparently, not quick enough.

What do tampons and Karen’s have in common?
They’re both stuck up cunts.

What’s more useless than an HOA?
A pork sandwich at a Jewish picnic.

What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero. The other is a simple command.

And there you go. Yes, they are bad. Who cares? Laugh a little bit already. You’re welcome. And I’ll see you next time.

Ubuntu!