Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #65
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

What is a sign of very low intelligence?

Voting Democrat. Nothing more needs to be said.

If you could have any breakfast in the world right now, what would it be?

Right now, a good old-fashioned bowl of Fruit Loops would be good to have. It’s been too long.

How do you end a toxic relationship?

I endure it until I snap and then I go instant asshole and totally ghost the other person. And with each meeting that follows, I become more and more spiteful and aggressive until they finally just go away.

Would you rather play basketball or hockey?

White men can’t jump. But we can hit each other with sticks. I’ll go with the hockey thing.

Do you have any siblings?

Four by blood, two by marriage, and about a dozen by life, fate, choice, and the blessings of God. That last group is honestly my brothers and sisters that matter the most in my life.

What would you do if you were the lone survivor of a plane crash?

Probably have Survivor’s guilt, have a religious epiphany, and after some major counseling from a licensed professional, plus some heavy drinking, move on with my life.

You wake up tomorrow as the President. What’s the first change you would make?

The entire Epstein list, plus the P-Diddy guest list, would be released. And I’d issue an executive order declaring Alice Cooper’s birthday a federal holiday.

Should parents teach their kids to shoot?

My stepdad taught me how to care for and clean a gun, as well as shoot when I was ten. It’s better to know, but never have to use that knowledge than to one day be fighting for your life, but not have the knowledge necessary. Yes, kids should learn how to shoot and about gun safety at an early age.

What’s your go-to Aussie/American/UK slang word?

My go-to work for everything is pretty in general. I use fuck, shit, and Jesus Christ, all quite regularly.

Who’s the #1 sicko you expect to see on the Epstein client list?

Former President Bill Clinton will be at the top of the list. I also expect to see Leo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Alec Baldwin, and Keith Olbermann all listed as well.

Would you go back to your ex for $5M?

My most recent ex? I’d do it for free if I had the chance. Right now, we’re walking different paths, but I bear him no ill will or bad feelings. This whole thing is my fault and my insecurities where I panic and push away anything if it seems too good. So yes, I’d go back for 5 million bucks. I’d go back tomorrow if he’d have me. I need to make that call.

Do you ever dream about the future?

The future, the past, and everything in between. I have some weird ass dreams sometimes.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Mall.

Ubuntu!