Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #69
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

What’s the first thing you think of when you see Mike Myers?

The bad comedian or the psychotic killer from Halloween? If it’s the unfunny actor, I think about Wayne’s World. And if it’s the more talented, more entertaining creature of the same name, I think about that cool mask he wore.

What’s missing from your life?

Happiness, love, friends, motivation, and the ability to relax. Take your pick.

What can you say to get out of serving on jury duty?

Well, when I was summoned, I told the truth. I said I’d be glad to serve, but since I was on probation at the time, I’d have to ask my probation officer for permission to travel to Greensboro, roughly two hours away from my home, to come and serve. I told them that, the truth, and they excused me immediately. I wonder why?

Do you know how to swim?

I used to know how and could swim very well. But, I haven’t tried in a few years and I’m not sure how well I could swim now. A few things have changed and I may not be as stable as I once was. I need to find out one day. Pool party at Pine Acres Lodge this summer. It has to happen. Be there!

Which Aussie animal freaks you out the most?

It’s a tough call because Australia is full of strange and dangerous creatures, most of which can kill a person with a strong glare. The power of the hairy eyeball. But the one that freaks me out the most? The kangaroo. A six-foot tall, giant rat that stands up and likes to box. That just doesn’t seem right to me.

What toppings do you love on your ice cream?

Bananas, crushed nuts, chocolate syrup, whipped topping, and a cherry. Yeah, I like a Banana Split, like the ones in the movies. I’m a traditionalist on things like that. Or I’ll just eat it plain and be happy.

What’s the only thing better than coffee?

The real question is, what is NOT better than coffee? And the answer? Nothing, because coffee is nasty. Everything is better. How do people drink that stuff? I’ll admit that it smells great in the morning while brewing in the pot, but the taste? Bleh, with a capital B. No, I am not a fan.

How crispy do you like your bacon?

I want it well-cooked but with some flexibility. Too crispy, and it will crumble apart before I can enjoy the taste or flavor, but I guess it would be medium-well, firm, but bendable and spread out, long and delicious. There is no such thing as bad bacon, but when cooked just right, it’s a major treat.

What’s the best Michael Jackson song of all time?

It’s a tough call because Michael had so many great songs, but my personal favorite? This lovely little ballad is about a rat named Ben.

What’s a song that always makes you feel nostalgic?

This lovely little ditty by the band, Extreme. My then-girlfriend at the time, had it dedicated to me on the local radio station. It was a nice gesture and still makes me warm and fuzzy in the tum-tum. More Than Words.

What’s something you really want right now but don’t have the money?

A vacation. I need to get out of this house for a few days, away from Mom, the cat, the dog, the mess, etc. I’m scared to go too far because it’s not safe to leave Mom alone for long, plus there is no telling what I would come back to. But when my check comes in, I think I might just go to the local motel for a night or two, just to decompose and relax for a little bit and recharge my batteries. That way, I’m close by and can keep an eye on things, but I’ll have some time out of this house. I’m losing my freaking mind.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Nudie Bar.

Ubuntu!