Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #79
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

What physical trait are you most attracted to when you meet someone?

While I appreciate a good butt, a nice chest, and long, firm legs, the two things that mean the most and always catch my eye are the forearms and the eyes. Nice, strong forearms and eyes that I can get lost inside of, are very important to me.

What’s a dish that everyone should know how to prepare?

Chicken Nuggets & Mac & Cheese. One is 400 degrees for twenty minutes, while the other is boil, drain, and add the cheese sauce. And what more does a person need?

Do you let pets sleep in the bed with you?

My cat does. If I told him no, he’d be offended and Rule #1 in life, if you want to have a happy life, is never to offend the cat… or else.

If protesters are blocking the road, do you stop for them?

You say, protesters. I say speed bumps. Their fake outrage is not worth my inconvenience. Get out of the way or suffer the consequences.

Would you rather eat a steak with a spoon or soup with a knife?

I’d rather just eat the steak with my hands or drink the soup from the bowl than either of the options being given. But I guess, if the steak is tender enough, a spoon might work. Let’s go with that one.

What is one thing you spend way too much money on?

Spectrum, aka the cable, phone, and internet. That damn bill has gone up nearly sixty bucks in the past year, and I want to just call them, cuss them out, and cancel the entire damn mess. But I keep the phone and cable for my family. My Mom watches the TV and the home phone is the only way to keep up with my sister and for my Mom to call people. All I do is the internet and my cell phone. That damn bill is crazy. If I didn’t have it to worry about every month, I’d be doing okay. But, I do it for them. Damn, I hate being a responsible and good guy sometimes.

What is your weirdest habit?

All of my habits are weird. I’m a writer, damn it. It’s allowed.

What are you secretly afraid of?

If I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it? I get anxious and nervous when people get too close and feelings start to develop. Would that count?

Would you rather lose your sight or your memories?

My sight. My memories of better times, plus my dreams of what might come in the future, are all that keep me going sometimes.

If you could, would you eradicate pain from your life?

Nope. Pain sucks, but it builds character and made me who I am. No pain means I can’t appreciate the better moments and good times because I’d have nothing to compare them to. Pain is life and so long as I’m feeling pain in some fashion, I know I’m still alive.

What does the world need most right now, using just one word?

In the words of the legend, the icon, the showman, the great philosopher, Alice Cooper, the world needs guts!

Do you think you could go back to living in the ’70s like we did with no internet, smartphones, etc?

It would be a hard adjustment at first, but I think I could adapt rather easily. It was a better time that I remember far too well. I could do it.

What’s a TV show from your childhood that you swear nobody else watched?

I always watched the weird stuff as a kid. It’s good to see that some things never change. I still like the weird stuff. Do you remember The New Zoo Revue? I do.

Are you quick to help others?

I used to be good about this, but far too many times, the help was never appreciated and taken advantage of. The scars remain from those times and will never fade. I still do, but I’m much more selective. It took a long time, but I have to help myself first before I’m any good for others. ‘Nuff said!

When you go to a restaurant, do you ever wonder who had the fork and spoon you are using in their mouth?

No, I don’t think about that. I have faith in dishwashers. Plus, when I think back on my past and all of the people I’ve drank after, eaten after, and the conditions I’ve endured from time to time, not to mention the extra-curricular activities with some pretty disgusting people, a few suspect pieces of silverware will never bother me.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the cafeteria.

Ubuntu!