Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #85
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Everyday, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

Would you want to be friends with your siblings if they were not your siblings?

As sad as it is to say, I’ve only got one blood sibling left, and if we were not related, we would not associate at all. I see how she is and well, we look at things differently in almost every way possible. I love her for sure, but I don’t like her much at all. We would not be friends.

What is the funniest thing your inner child wants to do?

I’m not sure if it’s funny or not, but I want to call up four or five of my old friends, and for one night only, just drink, chill, and hang out, and when things wind down, all just pile in the same bed as we used to and crash. Just go back in time and pretend we’re 15 years old again without a care in the world. Those were great days.

If AOC ran for president, would she do better than Kamala?

It would be hard to do any worse, but I think AOC is the one and would find a way. She’s an absolute idiot.

Did you ever, as a kid, sit at the bar next to your Mom or Dad, drinking a Coke as they drank alcohol?

Yes, it did happen a few times. My Dad, right after he and Mom separated, had custody of me on the weekends. I was 7-8 years old. And sometimes, on the nights I stayed with him, we’d go to a local bar where he’d get a drink, I’d get a coke, and we’d talk to his friends for about 45 minutes or so before heading home. I had forgotten about this until I saw this question.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever stepped on barefoot?

Either cat/dog pee or cat puke, in the middle of the night, in the dark. The joys of having pets in the house, right?

Are you more of a doer or a thinker?

I think about doing it until I either get tired of thinking or pushed enough to do it. One or the other.

What is the last charity you donated to?

For almost two decades, I donated my time, presence, and gas to help out Hope In Christ Ministries, a local food bank. I volunteered to help out in 2007 and never stopped until my health went totally to shit in 2023. I still take them bags, boxes, and other items, so I guess technically, I’m still volunteering.

Who’s worse, liberal men or liberal women?

I can’t decide based on gender. That would be acting like THEM. Besides, THEY don’t know what gender they are and I don’t want to contribute to THEIR delusions by speculating based on science, facts, or common sense. Let’s just say that progressive liberals are all a pain in the ass and leave it at that.

Would you describe yourself as an optimist, pessimist, or realist?

I can go either way depending upon my anxiety and the situation. I’m versatile. I’ll go with the realist label.

Would you date the opposite-sex version of yourself?

I’m not dating anyone of the opposite sex, regardless of if they’re like me or not. And I wouldn’t date the same-sex version of myself either. I have too many headaches and issues to deal with. I’m too much of an asshole and weirdo. We wouldn’t get along.

What song best sums you up?

My Way – Frank Sinatra.

Did you eat together as a family growing up?

While I remember eating together as a family when we were very young, things tended to change after Mom and Dad divorced, and it became more of grab what you can when you’re hungry, and you’ll be okay. The family dinners were over.

Have you ever been in a fistfight?

In my teenage years, I was in many. I had an easily triggered temper and anger management issues. Also, I was the new kid in a small town, and that didn’t help at all. But I grew out of it and although my temper can be volatile, I’m not much into throwing fists these days. That doesn’t mean I won’t if pushed hard enough or the person deserves it, but I prefer to use other options now if necessary.

If you could have a conversation with any musician, living or deceased, who would it be?

I won’t say Alice or Waylon because that’s too obvious. I won’t say Sinatra for the same reason. A truly fascinating and great conversation to have for me would be with Sammy Davis Jr. I’ve read his autobiography many times, and the man was amazing, with a great story to tell.

What are your addictions?

Sleep, writing, professional wrestling, cats, and Uber hugs from Eric. And chicken nuggets. I can’t forget those.

What is something you look forward to doing daily that makes you happy?

Sitting here at the computer and writing. It’s my escape and release from the BS of the real world and reality.

Without drugs and alcohol, what’s the best way to escape reality?

Listen to music, read a good story, and write.

What’s your number one reason for not drinking alcohol?

I can’t really afford it, I have no one to drink with, and I don’t want to hear the mouth and nagging from my parental unit, who still thinks I’m 14 years old.

What’s the perfect amount of time for a nap?

Generally, my naps run about an hour to ninety minutes at the most. Just enough to recharge the batteries, have a weird dream or two, and get away from the family/pets without seeming to be rude.

What’s something you are passionate about that, not many people know?

My family and friends. I’m standoffish, rude, cold, unfeeling, push people away, and come across quite often as a total asshole and piece of shit, but I care very much for the people in my life, such as my brother, his family, and kids, my extended family of friends who has transcended just being friends, a few former coworkers, etc. I love my people. I’m just not good at showing it, nor do I tell them enough.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the old Addams house.

Ubuntu!