Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #96
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

If animals could talk, which species would you want to talk with first?

Animals can talk. I talk to my cat every day. He’s very talkative and conversational. He does have a strong accent though. I’d like to understand him better. So, cats would be my answer.

What “old person” things do you do?

According to my bro, everything. I’m just inches away from yelling at the clouds, watching Lawrence Welk, and playing checkers at the local Barber Shop. I can’t help it though if I do old man stuff. I’m getting damn old lol.

If I broke into your car and stole something from your backseat, what would I get?

Currently, a can of Fix-A-Flat, several empty drink bottles, a rearview mirror, and a machete.

If you had the world’s attention for 30 seconds, what would you say?

Would this be a pre-planned thirty seconds or would I just be given a microphone and told, “Thirty seconds. Go!”? I honestly have no idea what I would speak of, but it would be sarcastic, dark, and make people uncomfortable. Of that, I have no doubt.

What’s the first thing you think of when you see Kenny Rogers?

I think of the song, The Gambler, and a night way back, probably 44 years ago, when three teenage boys, myself, Jim Manship, and Greg Clamp, made a cassette recording of the three of us singing that song. I still have that cassette tape somewhere, although I’m not sure where. And yes, it was fun, but we were bad. Very bad!

What four bands would you choose to become your “Mount Rushmore of Rock”?

Alice Cooper, Dr.Hook, Elvis, and The Beatles.

What is the right age to get married?

That depends on the person, their maturity level, the person they want to marry, and about a million other factors. There is no right age that fits everyone. For me, the right age is now. I just have to find the nerve and talk a certain someone into saying yes.

What makes you smile every day?

That damn cat of mine. No matter how bad things might get, or how down in the dumps I may feel, Mouthie is here, showing love, talking to me, and making me realize that no matter how bad things seem, he’s more important and I need to quit moping and start paying attention to him. Yeah, he’s a good egg and I love that fur baby.

Have you ever dated someone who was hated by your family?

I think that everyone I’ve ever dated or brought home more than once was frowned upon and hated by my family. My family, or at least certain members, are control freaks and don’t like it when Dougie seems to be slipping out of their control or showing rebellion. And Lord forbid that I actually find someone and am happy for a change. With my family, that is not allowed.

Are you distantly related to someone of significance?

I have a cousin, Cliff Maynard, who is a big-name tattoo artist. But aside from him, I can’t think of anyone. I’m the famous, or infamous one, as it turns out with my wrestling stuff. I’m sure that there are some important people out there who share my blood, but I can’t think of any at the moment.

What’s the most unusual place you have ever slept in?

I’ve slept in motels, stock rooms, cars, the woods, abandoned buildings, graveyards, churches, parking lots, rooftops, treehouses, and porches. But the most unusual place I’ve fallen asleep? Standing up in the shower. Yeah, it was a long day and I was tired.

What improved your quality of life so much, you wish you did it sooner?

Meeting and being with Eric. Things are very strained right now, but for a while there, I was content and happy. It was such a good feeling. Why did I wait so long to break out of my shell and give my love to someone?

If money was not a problem, what car would you get?

For my driving purposes, a 1972 Volkswagen Convertible. And for bragging rights, The Batmobile. I want the Adam West version. It would be so cool.

Other than cheating, what is one other action that would entail a breakup from your side?

Lying to me, stealing, or having no love for yourself/self-respect. All three of those can be dealbreakers.

You just passed away, and were allowed to be reborn but not as a human, what do you wanna be?

A Twilight Vampire, but without the blood restrictions. Would that work? Probably not since they were human once. It’s a tough choice, but I guess I’ll go with old faithful. I’ll be a cat who has a great family, a great human and lives happily ever after. Either that or an Otter.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the library.

Ubuntu!