Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #101
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. It’s number 101. Let’s do this.

If you could only watch one sport for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

Does professional wrestling count as a sport, or would that be sports entertainment? I’ll count it as the latter. So, what sport would I watch? College basketball. Go Heels!

If you had to be a villain from a movie, which movie would you pick?

What movie? How about Clerks? The worst villain was the Gum representative who caused customers to throw cigarettes at Dante. He was a dastardly heel, to sell more gum. I could do that!

If you had a pet unicorn, what would you name it? What about your pet dragon?

A unicorn, I would name Marcello. And the dragon? I would call him Dooby.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you love chocolate?

I enjoy some chocolate every so often, but admittingly, it’s not my favorite thing. I’ll give it maybe a 6 or 7.

Would you rather have spaghetti for hair or sweat maple syrup?

Neither seems like a fun existence or a way to live comfortably. Truthfully, both would suck. I guess I’ll go with the spaghetti. At least the Italian guys would like me and probably give me their meat to make sauce for my spaghetti hair.

At what age did you get your FIRST job?

At 14, I was unloading trucks at the local Super Dollar store where my Mom was the manager. At age 15, I worked as a dishwasher/busboy/cook at a BBQ Restaurant in Hillsborough, NC for the summer.

Would you consider Jasmine Crockett ghetto trash?

It’s all just an act. If you look at earlier videos from a few years ago, Crockett is well-spoken, uses proper English, and has a totally different personality. But being ghetto is her gimmick, and she’s using it to exploit the blackness and cash in. She is a race-bating, bigoted, hypocritical piece of trash, but she’s as fake as those eyelashes that she wears. She’s as ghetto as Paris Hilton. A total and absolute phony.

What is that one food item you will never share with anyone?

I can’t think of anything. I will gladly share anything I have with those I love, period.

In a perfect world, what 3 qualities should every human being have?

Honesty, courage, and respect, with a sense of humor and great ass on the side.

Would you take a trip to outer space?

Not if I could avoid it, no. I don’t care much for traveling or leaving my comfort zone, and the last time I looked, going into space would count as both.

Which one is creepier – sneaking up on someone or staring at them through binoculars?

The binoculars. At least when you sneak up on someone, they’ll eventually realize that you’re there. With the long-distance peeping via the binoculars, they never know they’re being watched… and that’s just creepy as hell.

What would you call a TV show based on your and your best friend’s life?

Infamous Who?

Would you team up with the Joker or Haley Quinn?

Not if I could avoid it. People who team up with the Joker usually end up dead, and Harley, at least in the comics, isn’t much better. But if I have to team up with one or the other, I’d prefer Harley over Mister J. The odds of survival are much better.

What is one advantage of living alone?

The freedom to have friends over, relax, and work without interruptions, and not have to worry about what someone else might be doing. Okay, that’s four things, but those are things I’m missing from my life, so bear with me, okay?

When I say “freak of nature” who is the first athlete that comes to mind?

Former NCAA Wrestling Champion, UFC Champion, and WWE Champion Brock Lesnar.

If a man gives his woman his entire paycheck what is he?

Whipped and an absolute dumbass!

If you had a warning label, what would it say?

Beware of Doug!

Name a 10/10 Porn star?

I hardly ever watch porn, and the majority of porn I do watch, I prefer amateur so I don’t know the names of the entertainers. But I do remember Joey Stefano, from the early and mid-90s. That was a pretty dude. Very talented too. Jeff Stryker was impressive too. They even made anatomically correct dolls of Stryker that one could buy. It’s everything Ken wishes he could be. So, let’s go with them.

At what age is it considered embarrassing to still be living with your parents these days?

It’s 2025. It’s not embarrassing anymore. It’s doing what needs to be done to look after them and make sure that they’re okay.

Have you ever worked over 60 hours a week?

I’ve worked my entire life in customer service and retail. Sixty-hour weeks were often the norm. Just another day at the office. No biggie.

What’s an addiction no one talks about but is super common?

Addictions to social media. Put the damn cell phones away, go outside, and experience real people, nature, and life again. Oy vey!

Would you rather have to wear a clown nose for a week or clown makeup for a day?

The clown makeup. I’ll just channel my inner Joker, add my love of Alice to the makeup design, and enjoy. It really wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

What attracts you and really turns you on in women?

If women attracted me and turned me on, I’d say a great smile, a great personality, and a sense of humor that’s similar to mine.

What do you bring to the table?

A great smirk, a dark and twisted sense of humor, tons of knowledge about professional wrestling, a charming personality, and great skills in showing my love and appreciation, at least until I get anxious, freak out, and ghost. I sing a couple of songs well too, plus I can cook.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the hardware store.

Ubuntu!