Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #107
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. It’s number 106. Let’s do this.

If you were hosting a music festival, what bands would you have appeared as?

My co-headliners would be Alice Cooper and Waylon Jennings. And the special guests would be Sublime, Dr. Hook, Rickie Lee Jones, Yelawolf, and Francis Albert Sinatra.

Would you rather be in jail for five years or be in a coma for a decade?

That’s a tough one, but at this point in my life, I’d probably take the jail. Hell, I’d rock that orange suit!

How old were you when you had your first celebrity crush, and who was it?

I was probably 10 or 11 years old. And the first ones? Mark Hudson of the Hudson Brothers and Donnie Osmond.

Do you ever feel lonely?

All the time. I have no close friends, no serious relationships, and hardly any family left. If it weren’t for the internet, and my cat, I’d be completely alone these days. So, that would be a yes.

What’s your funniest relationship dealbreaker?

My funniest? I can’t date a Duke Fan. If you’re a fan of the Blue Devils, I can’t be a fan of yours. Unless you’re really cool or sexy, and then we’ll negotiate.

Do you believe the time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time?

If it makes me feel better or content, it’s not wasted at all.

Would you rather lose your sight or your memories?

My memories are all I have sometimes. I could deal with being blind.

What do you remember most about your first job?

I was working at a BBQ restaurant in Hillsborough, NC, for some friends of my Dad. It was a family business, and they had three kids working there, plus me. Cooking BBQ, washing dishes, and doing a little bit of everything. I had my first major drinking binge at age 14 with the older brother cooking BBQ in a steamer all night. Also, one of my first intimate experiences with the youngest daughter, age 15, occurred a few days later. A wild summer for sure with friends and memories that will last forever.

Grilled cheese or BLT?

I’m not a big fan of the grilled cheese, but that BLT isn’t all that either. Take away the “T”, because I don’t do tomatoes, and add some cheese or an egg instead, and we’ll talk.

Should you be allowed to shoot a person who has broken into your house, even if they’re unarmed?

I don’t care if it’s allowed or not. If someone breaks into my home, they’re getting shot, period! And Dougie doesn’t shoot to scare or injure. Just saying!

Freeze branding is becoming the new popular trend. Would you do it?

It sounds painful and incredibly stupid. That would be a no.

Who is the worst President of all time?

It used to be Jimmy Carter, but he managed to stay alive to see someone even more incompetent and more of a disaster serve a term as President, that loser being Joe Biden.

Do you eat an Apple per day?

No, I do not. In terms of fruits, I prefer bananas or tangerines.

Do you like fried chicken?

Of course I do. Everyone likes fried chicken. And if you don’t, you’re a weirdo. Pass me a breast or a leg. Fried chicken is finger-licking good!

Can you remember your first-grade teacher’s name?

First-grade was Mrs. Ballard at Brentwood Elementary School in Raleigh, NC.

Have you ever lost a friendship because of politics?

A few have been strained, but real friendships can get past such petty matters. My real friends and friendships are still intact despite political differences.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Intervention.

Ubuntu!