Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #109
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. It’s number 109. Let’s do this.

What skill are you shocked some adults don’t have?

I wouldn’t say shocked, but that some adults, parents even, can’t cook without a microwave, balance a checkbook, or sign their own same in cursive, is very disturbing to me.

If you could be any age again, what age would you be?

I’d go with about 35 or somewhere in that area. Young enough to still do things, but old enough to know when it’s better to pass or decline.

If you switched genders for a day, what would you do?

Probably end up pregnant or with an STD. Maynard luck at its finest.

Who is your favorite Star Wars character?

The two Droids. The gold, gay one, and the one who looked like a trash can on wheels. R2-D2 and C-3PO.

What’s something that overwhelms you?

Life. Every day brings a new struggle. And for something specific? Making phone calls. My anxiety totally freaks out when I have to call someone. Anyone. I’m usually fine once I’m on the phone and speaking, but the act of picking up the phone and dialing makes me physically ill. Yeah, it’s weird as hell, but it’s my life and why I don’t return calls as I should.

In your opinion, what’s the main reason alcohol consumption is in rapid decline?

I quit my job at the ABC store, and the people miss me, so they don’t buy as much booze anymore. Also, I’ve quit drinking, and it’s starting to show in the numbers. Yeah, it’s all my fault. My bad!

What advice would you give to a single man looking to marry soon?

Quit being a dumb-ass, swallow the pride and grit the teeth, and just do it already. If you love them and can’t live without them, let them know and put a ring on that finger, or you’ll forever hate yourself and be miserable and full of regrets. Yeah, I can give the advice. Too bad I can’t take it.

Do you like moon pies?

I love them. The Banana ones are my personal favorites, but I like all of them.

Who’s your hall pass?

For the past thirty years, it has always been either Lisa “Ivory” Moretti or Juventud Guerrera. Wrestling fans know who they are. But now, I need to update it for the current times. Noel Fisher, who plays Mickey on Shameless. He is HOT!

Have you ever used a fake ID?

Yeppers. I took a GED test at the local college for a friend of mine so he would get a Diploma. And so, I was him for two days and aced the test. True story!

Who would you choose if you could be friends with a fictional character?

Most of the best fictional characters, if you’re their friend, your life is in danger. I guess that’s part of what makes them great characters. But putting that aside, I think, given his talent for sarcasm and high intellect, Severus Snape and I would get along well, and could be good friends.

What’s the most childish thing you still do?

I sleep (sometimes) with a giant Care Bear, a gift many years ago from an amazing friend, and still occasionally play with wrestling action figures. It’s purely for business reasons as they help me prepare when I’m writing my Wrestling Q&A columns, but yeah, I still sometimes do it.

Do you like white chocolate?

If they’ve got pretty eyes and a good personality, sure. Oh, wait! You’re talking about the candy. My bad! Yes!

Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

Neither. I’m an overthinking realist.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Intervention.

Ubuntu!