Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #116
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 116 and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

Is it acceptable to eat pizza for breakfast?

Eating pizza is acceptable for any meal and at any time, be it breakfast, lunch, dinner, late-night snacks, or anything else.

Should parents charge their kids rent if they continue to live with them after age 18?

That depends on the relationship between the kids and the parents. For me, I’ve always tried to give something and contribute ever since I started working. No one demanded anything, but my opinion was that if I’m living there, I should pull my share and help out. But again, that’s just me and the way I was raised and think. For others, there is no correct answer.

Do you agree with Trump accepting the $400 million 747-8 from Qatar?

I’ll admit that the perception of taking the new jet looks bad, but it’s so Trump, I don’t even care about it. He’s getting a gift from a long-term ally of the United States, and it benefits our nation. At least he’s open about it and doing it in public, which is something no other politician can say or admit to. The people complaining take the gifts, but keep them secret. Trump doesn’t do that, and it exposes their hypocrisy. Good for the President.

Do you think cheating can ever be justified? How?

Anything can be justified if you try hard enough. Is the justification real or honest? Not necessarily, but if you say it long enough, someone will believe it, and thus, it’s justified.

Without saying Point Break, what is your favorite Keanu Reeves film?

Easy answer. The Bill & Ted movies, plus My Own Private Idaho, where he costarred with River Phoenix. It’s an amazing movie.

Do you still listen to Bruce Springsteen?

I haven’t listened to Bruce since the ’80s. He has a few good songs, but he’s a suck-ass person and barely worth the time it takes to look up his music. Screw him!

If you could hire someone to do one thing for you, what would it be?

I’ve always wanted a personal assistant to handle my side chores, run the errands, cook my meals, and worship me as a living, breathing, internet god. But, if I can only have a person come daily and do one thing, it would probably be to clean up, look after the pets, and tell me the gossip while I write.

Who should be the Super Bowl halftime act this year?

A triple-threat show with Yelawolf, Struggle Jennings, and Jelly Roll.

If you followed your childhood dream job, what would you be right now?

I’d be either a wrestler, a writer, or a television weatherman. So, two out of three ain’t bad.

Can you imagine you are walking in a Park and an Immigrant walks up and slaps your baby. What would you do?

I don’t have a baby, but if any person in my life is attacked or harassed, I’ll respond accordingly. There isn’t much that I can physically do at this point in my life, but I know how to use a knife, a gun, a machete, or a golf club, and one or the other is never too far away.

Who’s the last person who called you?

I spoke to a woman from DSS this morning, and a woman from the Wound Center called me yesterday afternoon. But, aside from business or medical reasons, I honestly can’t remember the last time I’ve had an actual phone call from a friend or relative. A few texts and messages on Facebook for sure, but no real phone calls. In the words of Alice, nobody likes me. It’s all my fault.

What’s one thing about your partner that you find least attractive?

I love my dude, or I guess I should say my ex-dude at this point, and I can’t think of anything unattractive about him. He’s unique and his own person who marches to his own beat. He’s a true character in so many ways, but that’s all him being him, and I wouldn’t change a thing. There are a few things that I’d like to see change, but that is his call and not mine. He is who he is, and that’s what makes him so incredible to me.

If you could join the cast of any television show, playing yourself, what show would you join?

I would either be a distant cousin of The Conners on Roseanne/The Conners, or a regular customer at the Alibi Room on the series Shameless.

Do you actually like Cher?

I love her music, and as a gay man, I’m legally required to find her interesting and fascinating. I think her political views are stupid, and she often speaks before thinking, but if I overlook that and just ignore her deranged public views, she’s okay. Yeah, I’m a fan.

Do you think it’s possible to find your soulmate on X?

X isn’t a good platform for seeking a mate or even a booty call. Other forms of social media, like MeetMe, Facebook, or Grindr, work far better.

Do you think Greta Thunberg is a paid actor or a genuine retard?

She’s a retard who gets paid to read a script and pretends to have an opinion and something to say. She’s fake as shit!

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Alibi Room.

Ubuntu!