Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #118
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 118 and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

If you were going to run for political office, what office would you seek?

Considering that I don’t like crowds, public speaking, or being around people in general, I honestly don’t think any public office is in my future. But, and this is a big old but, if I were to try and do something of a political nature, I’d start small with an appointment to a local board or committee. The ABC Board? Hell, at least for that one, I know I’m qualified.

Do beans go in chili?

That is why we buy chili beans, or pinto beans if we’re feeling wild. It’s not real chili without the beans.

What’s a trend you totally got into (or totally hated)?

I don’t know if this counts as a trend, but for a while, I would use the gimmick of Chris Jericho and put everyone on ‘The List’. I still do that on occasion. As for one that I hate, sagging pants, smoking weed in public, and nose rings. They look freakin’ stupid!

If you were a dessert, what would you be and why?

I’d be Banana Pudding because I’m delicious, filling, and can cause chest pains (broken heart) if you have too much of me.

If you could time-travel to one year in music history, when would it be?

A year in music history? I have no idea about this one. How about 1969 for the Woodstock Music Festival? Works for me.

Would you rather watch a comedy movie or an action movie?

Comedy. Dick jokes, fart jokes, and stupid humor is the absolute best. Parodies too.

What should be the penalty for someone who is arrested for sex trafficking minors?

After a painful castration, life in prison, in the general population, with public knowledge of their crimes shared with everyone.

If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be?

This doesn’t specify what kind of history we’re speaking about. Is it musical history, political history, science history, or what? It doesn’t matter, I guess. Let’s have a meal with President Ronald Reagan.

Is Nancy Pelosi too old to be sent to prison?

Age is but a number, and no one is too old. Lock her ass up!

What TV show will they force you to watch in hell?

The Kardashians, The View, and an MSNBC News block, followed by Peppa Pig and the Teletubbies.

If you could swap voices with a celebrity, whose voice would you want?

I like my voice, but if I could have a voice like Waylon Jennings, I wouldn’t complain too much.

Did you ever attend your high school reunion?

Nope, not yet, and this year, 2025, will be my 40th High School Reunion. And no, I’m not going to this one either. I reasoned that the majority of the people I was friends with in high school were either younger than me or older, so they won’t be there. And the few people that I actually do or did like that were in my class, I talk to or see regularly anyway on Facebook or when I worked at the ABC. If I want to see them, I message them and see them. I don’t need to dress up and attend a reunion for that.

Would you rather explore space or the deep ocean?

The ocean. I’m keeping my fat ass on Earth. We saw what happened to the astronauts who were stranded in the Space Station. That won’t be me.

Without mentioning your job title, explain what you do for a living.

For the past decade, I shared fine spirits to help people manage the finer points of life. And now, I indulge in queries and do commentary on a fake sport.

If you could have any fictional gadget or tech, what would you want?

A hot tub time machine. Either that or the phone booth from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Either way, I could travel to other periods, witness historical events, meet famous people, and still be home in time for supper. It would be ‘tres cool.

If you could rename yourself, would you, and what name would you pick?

So far as real life goes, I’d stick with my name. It’s branded and I kind of like it. But professionally, for my writing and stuff, I would change my name and use the alias Vincent Paul Phillips. I like the name and it pays homage to three of my favorite singers, Vincent for Alice Cooper, Paul for Paul McCartney, and Phillips for Phil Collins. Also, it just sounds cool and professional.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the free clinic.

Ubuntu!