Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #122
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 122, and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

Do you put the shopping cart back when you’re done?

Every single time. I either push it back inside or put it in the cart corral section of the parking lot. I was raised right.

Where would George Floyd be if he was alive today?

In prison, on the streets, or out in the world, drugged up and committing criminal acts.

If you turned your phone off for one week and didn’t contact anyone, who would come looking for you?

If I had my phone off and didn’t show up online, writing on this site and being a perverted sarcastic clown on Facebook, no one would notice or care. Not enough to come looking for me. The people from the Wound Center would notice if I missed an appointment, as would my home health nurse, who visits every Thursday. But apart from the medical folks, no one would notice or care.

What is a tattoo you would see on a date that would immediately cause you to leave the date?

If someone had that travesty of a flag with the LGBTIAEOUSTFU symbols on it, I’d probably realize they’re too stupid for me to interact with and be around. Other than that, I’ll deal with the crazy and play it by ear.

Do you share your phone password with your partner?

My bro, the Infamous One, knows my passwords and codes. Anyone else, nope!

Would you rather be stuck for an hour with barking dogs or the ladies from The View arguing?

So, one group of bitches or the other group of bitches. What a choice. I’ll take the barking dogs. I actually like the 4-legged animals. Those cackling clowns from the View? They’re a waste of humanity and space.

What comes to mind when you see Brittney Griner?

Who is this damn clown and why didn’t the Pedo leave HIM in Russia where HIS criminal ass belongs and should still be.

What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever given or gotten someone’s number?

Either at work, be it at Nic’s, the ABC store, the Food Bank, or some odd assortment of drunks and stoners back in the partying days. None of that was particularly weird, but more just business as usual. I worked with the public and people regularly gave me their phone numbers. Nothing to see here.

What’s the most inappropriate time you’ve ever laughed?

Well, there was this time in the 8th grade when I was running for the Student Council at my middle school. We, the other candidates and I went to each classroom to give a quick speech to the other students. We got to my class and in the middle of my speech, I made eye contact with one of my best friends. I started laughing. I couldn’t stop and just had to wave to the next person to give their speech. I couldn’t stop laughing. It was embarrassing, but I didn’t care. I lost the election, but hell, it was a funny moment.

Do you believe in aliens?

Yeah, they keep crossing the border from Mexico into our country. But don’t worry. President Trump and ICE will take care of them and deport their illegal asses.

What is something that poor people do better than rich people?

Live on a budget and think realistically before jumping into any kind of financial situation, at least in theory.

What is something that people tend to do when they’re drunk?

Drunk phone calls, drunk texts, drunk messages on IM, and hook-ups with people who normally, they wouldn’t be seen with or ever speak to. We also… I mean THEY also talk too much and speak without thinking. I have NEVER done any of these things, but I’ve heard stories.

Are you comfortable with the idea of a self-driving car?

They can’t be any worse than the non-driving people on the roads around here. Self-driving is probably a huge improvement. I just wonder, who controls the radio and gets to flip off the people at the stoplights?

What’s one responsibility you wish you didn’t have?

All the doctor’s appointments and medical stuff. I just want to be through with this and able to live my life free of the Wound Center, home health care, and visiting nurses.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the Alibi Room.

Ubuntu!