Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #123
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 123, and bird is the word. Let’s do this.

Name something that pisses you the fuck off.

People. Need I say more? And my family. I love them, but to say that my nerves stay grated upon is a vast understatement.

Why do people in happy relationships still cheat on their partner?

Stupidity. That’s the main reason, but also a person, the cheater, may feel unworthy, that he or she doesn’t deserve to be with their partner. They feel that their partner deserves better and, intentionally sabotage themselves.

What are three ways to say, “I love you!”, without using those words?

Have you eaten? Do you need anything? I miss you, bro!

Would you give up your cell phone, internet, and all of the inventions of the past 35 years to live in the 1980s again?

I would gladly do this. Where can I sign up?

What song do you sing most in the shower?

I alternate between Sinatra and “Under My Skin”, and Waylon, “Dreaming My Dreams of You”. I sing other songs as well, but those are my current main two.

What’s your least favorite memory from high school?

Maybe the fight with William White in the library. My fault, but not really. I set off a bottle rocket in the library, and Will reacted. He came at me, and I jumped on top. I was winning until I was pulled off of him, and he took a cheap shot and nailed me in the side of the head. The detached retina as a result, and recurring problems ever since. I don’t blame Will and we actually became friends before he died, but I’m blind in that eye even now. That sucks!

When did you stop believing in Santa Claus?

Stop believing? Never! While I doubt that Santa is a living and breathing human being, the spirit that is Santa Claus and Christmas lives eternally and forever.

What’s one responsibility you wish you didn’t have?

Looking after my Mom, my pets, my family. I love them and that will never falter or change, but taking care of myself is hard enough sometimes, and I can barely manage that. And then, add in the responsibilities of other people, of pets, of the property, household duties, etc. Each day is a struggle that never seems to get better or end.

What’s one thing that used to unite Americans that no longer does?

We used to be proud to be American. The United States is the greatest country on Earth, but too many have fallen into the victim mold and would rather blame our country and everyone else for their misgivings and issues. Personal responsibility doesn’t exist and people would rather blame our country rather than embrace all the freedoms and liberties that we have that no one else can claim.

What’s a sound from your childhood that younger generations will never hear?

Crickets chirping as the sun sets and the night falls. I cannot remember the last time I actually heard that noise. Chemicals, pollution, and just not listening or caring have killed that forever.

Which actor is NOT funny at all but is always in comedy movies?

The first name that comes to mind is Kevin Hart. Seth Rogan as well. Neither man is funny in my opinion.

What’s the sexiest name you’ve ever heard?

Christopher Erick. Okay, that was the guy and not necessarily the name, but still… That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Do you feel younger or older than your age?

My sense of humor and general denial makes me feel much younger. The wear and tear of life, plus my physical conditioning make me feel much older. It just depends on the moment.

Does bacon belong in a hot dog, or not?

I’ve never tried it so I can’t say for sure. But bacon seems to be good on everything else so I won’t knock it.

Would you consider dating someone who supports your rival team?

Date a Duke fan? NEVER! Not unless they’re really cute.

What’s worth more? A degree or experience?

A degree is just a piece of paper that says you took a class and should be able to do something. Experience means you’ve been there, done that, and actually know what you’re doing. The degree looks good on a resume, but between the two options, I’ll take the experienced person every single time.

Would you rather fight a Gorilla or a Grizzly Bear?

I’d rather not fight either but given the option, I think I’d choose the gorilla. Gorillas are vegetarians, so he’d just beat on you and leave. Grizzlies would claw, scratch, and most likely eat you. And while it wouldn’t be the first bear that’s ever bitten me, I think the chance of survival with the gorilla is much stronger.

You receive $10 million but must keep it a secret. What’s your first move?

Anonymous donations and envelopes of money to my bro, my dude, and the food bank where I used to volunteer. And a few small purchases, but nothing too extravagant that would attract attention to update my set-up here at the house to expand my media empire.

Do grey hairs bother you?

Nope. I like a few and I totally rock that shit!

What’s the first thing you think of when you see Paul Reubens?

Three things. Pee Wee’s Playhouse, of course. The “death scene” in the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie where Reubens, playing a vampire, gets staked by Buffy and takes forever to die, and his role as the manager of Elton John, played by Justin Timberlake, in the great music video, This Train Don’t Stop There Anymore. He steals the show with his antics.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at Quagmire’s house. Giggitty!

Ubuntu!