Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #125
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 125, and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

What did you try once and immediately realize it wasn’t for you?

Women. Okay, I tried more than once and met some incredible people, but in terms of a relationship or dating, it just didn’t work for me. I’ve made some good friends, but I’m all about the dudes. Sorry, ladies.

What do you have a low tolerance for?

Stupidity, stealing, lying, and drugs. Take your pick.

You have to give up BEER or MEAT forever. Which one are you picking?

Beer. I can drink liquor if I feel a need for intoxication. I love my meat too much though, to ever give up.

If you were to be banned from your local library, what would be the reason?

I’d be kicked out for not wanting to leave and go home. A library is paradise to me and a wonderful place to be and experience.

What do you think is the worst thing that a person can put on their bio for a dating app?

A cash-app name or mentioning that they take donations or are P4P. It’s a dating app or a hook-up app, and not a promotional tool for prostitution. I delete those immediately. If I’m willing to introduce you to Little Dougie and share my time with someone, they should be offering to pay me. Yes, I am that damn good.

Would you rather spend the rest of your life with a sailboat as your home or an RV as your home?

That’s a tough call, but I’ll take the RV home. At least then, I don’t have to worry about sinking or sharks.

Church. What made you stop going?

The hypocrisy and the non-acceptance of others. Church people are usually the most judgmental and hypocritical ones around. And Dougie don’t play that! I believe in God and worship in my way. I don’t need a crowd around me, taking note of every move I make, or whatever I do. That’s not how it should work, but unfortunately, for way too many churches, that’s exactly how it goes.

If you go out to eat and have a baked potato, do you eat the skin?

Nope. I’m not a fan of potato skins, baked or otherwise. And I would most likely never order a baked potato. It’s just not my thing.

Can you write a book about your life and people would find it interesting?

There are parts of my life, dealing with the public, the party-related activities, my friends, the drunken adventures, the wrestling stuff, etc., that could possibly be considered entertaining. And I could always embellish, aka lie, to spice up the boring parts. Yeah, I think most people would find it interesting, despite themselves.

What’s a small hill you’re willing to die on?

How about marijuana, mainly smoking in public, should remain illegal? I don’t care if people smoke, but that shit stinks and makes me physically ill. Smoke at home, but walk around in public reeking of that stuff and leaving an odor that remains twenty minutes after you’ve left. Have some damn respect for others.

What’s the hardest truth most people still refuse to accept?

There are only two genders, and that is male and female. Anything else, it’s just mental illness, and wrong. Most people do accept this, but the crazies that don’t are so damn loud.

What things are okay to do occasionally but definitely not okay to do every day?

Smoking grass, getting drunk, and screwing around with your asshole of a neighbor boy, no matter how incredible that body is. He’s still a piece of crap.

Do you like your Easter eggs to be plastic and filled with small candies or to be real, hard-boiled eggs that you can actually peel and eat later?

I prefer the plastic. Then, they can be filled with candies, mini bottles of liquor, and other goodies. Real eggs are okay, but who the hell can afford them to just dye and waste?

How long has it been since you laughed out loud?

It’s been a while. It’s been a rough few weeks and I’ve been on the downside.

What name will you give your next pet?

There is a small kitten that has been coming up on the bark porch all week and may end up becoming a family member. He and Mouthie go nose-to-nose at the window and meow back and forth. Yes, I’ve been feeding him. I’ve been calling him Fuego, but that’s only temporary for now. If he ends up joining the family, I’ll let his personality determine his permanent name.

In 100 years, what artist or band will still be listened to?

Michael Jackson, Willie Nelson, Elvis, Alice Cooper, Tina Turner, Dolly Parton, Cher, and Waylon.

You’re offered a million dollars to become a vegan for the rest of your life. Do you accept?

Nope, I would have to decline. I like meat way too much.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you on Sesame Street.

Ubuntu!