Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #127
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 127, and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

Should you tip for to-go orders?

Why? An order is prepared and thrown into a bag. There is no customer service involved aside from the person taking the order and the person handing you the bag. I just don’t see how tipping applies to that.

What are the chances you’d ever vote for AOC for President in 2028?

There is a far better chance of my lost leg regenerating itself and my running a 20-mile race and winning than ever a vote for AOC being cast by me, for any office.

What’s one song you swear was written just for you?

I’ll go with this classic by Alice Cooper.

What’s the biggest lie you have ever told?

I love you. I’ve heard this many times from many different people who only loved what I could do for them. Once that was over, the love conveniently vanished, as did they.

Do you ever cry while watching an emotional film?

I cry watching films, reading stories, listening to music, or just thinking and remembering. So, that would be a yes.

How would you sum up the internet in two sentences?

Sometimes it’s heaven, and sometimes it’s hell. Sometimes, I don’t even know.

Do you have family members with whom you will never speak again?

The last time I spoke to my sister was back in November. I love her, but her selfish ways and constant demands for attention, regardless of who it hurts, are too much to handle anymore.

Would you rather have the ability to fly or become invisible at will?

I don’t like heights, so I’ll go with the Mr. Invisible thing.

Who is on your Mt. Rushmore of Late-night talk show hosts?

Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Arsenio Hall, and Graham Norton.

WOMEN who shave their head BALD to protest Trump are…?

Mentally disturbed and deeply in need of good professional help.

What has been the strangest thing a visitor has done at your home?

A close friend of mine came to my trailer when I lived on Pea Bridge Road, and had a friend with him. He went to use by bathroom and his friend followed him. They had sex in my bathroom and didn’t care who knew. It was the middle of the afternoon and there was no alcohol or anything else involved. He just went to pee, the friend followed, and the next thing I know, they were sucking and screwing. He’s straight, by the way.

What would your friends and family think if you were arrested without explanation?

For either snapping and slapping the crap out of someone or finally snapping and destroying my house and furniture. Maybe shooting someone if the wrong person, by the name of Seals, shows up at my house.

What do you want to be remembered for?

Just being a cool dude and a good person. That is more than enough.

Have you ever dreamt about one of your friends?

Of course, I have. But I can’t say who because the dream was kind of dirty, and his wife already doesn’t like me. But trust me, he had a great time, in the dream anyhow.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Sugar Shack.

Ubuntu!