Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #128
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 128, and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

Did your parents ever find you trying to leave the house without permission?

They never caught me, although I’m sure that they knew. My bedroom had a window that exited to the porch, an easy exit late at night, and no one ever said a word. I always came and went as I pleased, as it should be.

What would you do with the money if you won a lottery?

I’d set up financial trusts for my bro and his family, and then I’d ghost, away from Laurinburg, away from Scotland County, and off to make a new fresh start.

If you were to open a store, what are the things you would sell, and what would be its name?

I’d probably work in consignments, aka second-hand merchandise and assorted products. Yeah, I’d be a junk man. As for a name, in honor of Fred Sanford, Dougie & Son Booty Call.

What’s your least favorite planet?

Let’s go with Earth. Weird lifeforms and constantly in the way when Marvin Martian wants to see a big ka-boom!

What’s the first thing you think of when you see Joe Exotic?

A strange, but interesting dude, and that bitch, Carol Baskin.

What’s one brutally honest take you have about your favorite team that would probably get you yelled at by the rest of the fanbase?

The UNC Tarheels did Matt Doherty wrong. He was hired as the head coach of the UNC Basketball team and then fired quickly when Roy Williams became available. Doherty stepped up when UNC needed him and then was tossed to the side when they didn’t. I’ll always be a Tarheel fan, but for that, UNC sucks!

What are your thoughts on carrot cake?

It’s okay. Nothing special or outrageous, but it’s okay. I’ll eat it.

Do you like Walnuts?

I do. They go great in brownies and as a late-night snack.

How big is too big?

Anything more than a mouthful is a waste. Still fun, but too big for some activities.

Do chicken and spaghetti go well together?

I have never seen this particular food combination, but I guess it would be okay. Whatever works, right?

What is the one thing about yourself that you would like to change?

Just one thing? I want my leg and my health back. Fix that and I’ll be okay.

What do you think the world would be like if it were filled with male and female copies of you?

That would be a total, absolute nightmare. One of me is more than enough. Two of me would be annoying. And a world full of me? Hell personified.

Do you know how to fold a fitted sheet?

I wrap it in a ball and either put it back on the bed immediately, or else I toss it into the closet or a drawer. No, I can not fold those damn things.

What do you think the first person to milk a cow was trying to do?

Most likely something perverted and disgusting. Or they were thirsty and had watched a calf feed. One or the other.

If someone offered you 5 million to give up watching NFL and MLB games for the rest of your life, would you do it?

I already do that so give me the money. It’s not hard to quit watching something I have no interest in and already don’t watch. Where’s my money?

Should people who bring their kids to a violent protest be charged with child endangerment?

If a person brings a child to a protest, a drag show, or any place that is not child-appropriate, they should be charged with criminal charges, prosecuted, and have their kids taken away. It really is just that simple.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the woods.

Ubuntu!