Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #144
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 144, and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

For 1 million dollars, would you date a liberal for one year?

Absolutely. Crazy sex is the best sex, and after many years of customer service, I can ignore anyone while still having a conversation. For that payoff, I could find a way to make it work.

Are you a fan of meatloaf or not?

I like Meatloaf. He’s a damn good singer who will do anything for love, but he won’t do that.

Are you more like your mother or your father?

I’ve got several qualities and traits of both, but there is absolutely more of my Mom in me, Lord help me.

Apart from “life is short”, which other sentences do you use before making bad decisions?

“What the hell? Why not?”, and “Damn, he’s cute!”

Do onions belong on a cheeseburger?

Not on mine, they don’t.

Which one do you like the best: foot massage or hand massage?

A foot massage is somewhat of a moot point these days, so hand massage wins by default.

What did you learn today?

I learned that it’s freakin’ humid outside, and I’m too damn old for this shit!

What did you buy recently?

I had to go to Walmart this morning and buy some drugs to keep my sugar down, and then to Food Lion, where I bought cat food.

What are the things that take up too much of your time?

Scrolling through X and other social media sites, looking for a way to fill the void in my life.

What three things would you want with you if you were stranded on a desert island?

A boat, a full-service motel, and ten lonely Marines.

Do you think fish ever get thirsty?

Damn, now I’m wondering. I wouldn’t think so, but maybe they get tired of the same drink all the time. Who knows?

What’s your favorite sandwich spread?

Peanut butter. What more does anyone need?

When you see a homeless person, what is your first thought?

My first thought, unfortunately, is that they’re faking and probably a drug addict trying to get a fix. A few bad seeds have ruined it for the rest.

Do you get bored easily?

Not so much bored, but easily distracted and restless.

What season best fits your personality?

I’m a fan of The Fall, with the warm days and cool nights. My kind of weather and season.

What movie are you going to make if you become a filmmaker?

I’ve been working on and writing a musical about serial killers, so there is that. And a movie or show similar to Clerks, but in a liquor store with a sarcastic, one-legged fat man in the background while the main characters have life adventures and turmoil.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the meat department.

Ubuntu!