Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #145
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 145, and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

What type of genre would you choose to write if you were an author?

I’d write about wrestling or maybe vampires and the supernatural stuff. And non-fiction ramblings in the style of Andy Rooney. I’d write Dougie. ‘Nuff said!

If you could be part of another family, whose family would it be?

The Infamous and awesome McDonald family. Hell, they’re family to me already.

Is there something you recently regret doing?

Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it. My temper is getting bad.

If you could sit on a bench in the middle of a beautiful forest, who would you like to sit next to you?

Right now, either my bro, TMA, or he-who-shall-not-be-named. My bro or TMA to talk, confess, and just let everything out that I’m holding in. As for the last one, I love him and want to be with him again.

Where would you go if you could teleport yourself from one place to another?

Right now, to the Golden Run restaurant at Scotland Crossing. I’m craving Chinese food right now, but don’t feel like driving. It’s too damn hot outside.

If the doctor said, “You have 24 hours to live,” what would you do with the time you had left?

Probably just write, listen to music, and do a booty call. Just another day.

If you could pick a drummer, bass player, singer, and guitarist- who would be in your dream band?

My drummer would be Ringo Starr. The bass player would be Paul McCartney. The guitarist would be Dweezil Zappa. And the singer would be Alice Cooper.

Do you prefer stadium shows or small, intimate venues?

I hate crowds, and I like to see singers up close. So, that would be the smaller venues.

Which member of your family were you closest to as a child?

Probably my brother Jeff, but in all honesty, after Mom and Dad divorced, we weren’t really all that close.

Do/Did you ever think that clowns were creepy?

Nobody should wear that much makeup and act goofy unless it’s Dr. Frank N. Furter or Boy George. Yeah, they’re creepy.

How competitive are you?

I’m not, except against myself. But competing against others, why bother?

If you could host a talk show, who would you have on first?

My first guests would be Brad Williams, Alice Cooper, and Noel Fisher (Mickey on Shameless).

What’s one interesting thing about yourself that no one really knows?

Everyone knows everything about me. I have no secrets. And thus, I have no real answer for this one. My bad!

Any advice or natural/at-home remedies for high blood pressure?

Get a cat. That will bring the blood pressure almost immediately.

What song would you want to be played at your funeral?

This one. And pardon my singing. I’m a writer, damn it. But I love this song, and I was really bored.

How did you become close with your best friend?

He was hired at my then-job, and my boss told me to train him, but “don’t scare him off!”. And then we killed a bear. And he’s been my brother ever since.

What always makes you laugh, even when you’re upset?

Family Guy or The Big Bang Theory. They never fail to make me smile.

The Late Show with Steven Colbert was cancelled. What should CBS replace it with?

A late-night talk show starring Brad Williams. Or let me, K-Mak, Brent, and a few of our friends get together and do a sketch-comedy/interview show. OK, that might be too much for network TV. Let’s stick with Brad Williams.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the puppet show.

Ubuntu!