Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #154
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 154, and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

Why do all major news networks suddenly repeat the same phrases… word for word?

Because they all get their talking points and marching orders from the same Dark State sources. I thought everyone knew that.

What is the most common lie people tell?

It’s either I love you, or I’m okay. Probably the latter.

What was the first magazine you loved?

Would comics count as magazines? I was collecting comics from when I was ten until my late thirties. But, I’ll go with real official magazines. No surprises here. Inside Wrestling and The Wrestler.

Were you a model child or a problem child?

I was the perfect child, although my Mom often compared me to Damian Thorn. And if you know who that was, ‘Nuff said!

Have you ever had to work more than 45+ hours in a week?

I worked retail for over forty years, including several years in management. 45+ hours would be a short week for most of those years.

What are dreams made of?

Fantasy meets conscience meets memories meets the future.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever gotten?

I can’t say the best because kids might be reading this. But, thank you, Eric… and Danny… and Chad. I’ve had customers compliment me on my manners and professionalism, saying I’m always friendly, helpful, great to deal with, etc. I guess that would count.

Do you sometimes hear certain voices in your head?

I’m a writer. I constantly hear many voices in my head.

What are three items you might purchase at the grocery store to get strange looks from the cashier?

Pantyhose, chicken salad, and zip ties.

What was the first job you ever had?

I unloaded trucks and helped put up stock at my Mom’s store, plus cut grass before my first official, legal job. My first real job was at a place called Eno BarBQ in Hillsborough, NC, where I was a busboy, but also ended up cooking, waiting tables, working the Drive-Thru, and whatever else needed to be done. I was 14.

If Hillary decided to run for president again in 2028, could she win?

Sadly, this country and about half of it are stupid enough and insane enough that she possibly could win. I don’t think she would, but once the cheating starts, who knows? 2020 proved that.

If a woman refuses to sleep with her husband because she’s “no longer interested in sex”, is he wrong for venturing outside their marriage?

That is between him and her. I wouldn’t approve of it or condone it, but every couple is different, and I can’t judge what they do or don’t do. I’ve been on the other side of that so many times in the past, as the side-friend, that I can’t tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do.

Are you a text person or a call person?

A text person for sure. Unless you’re Kenneth, Theresa, or the doctor, text me first. I hate a damn phone.

Whatever happened to Richie Cunningham’s brother, Chuck?

He went to his room and was abducted by Mork, from Ork, several years before his appearance on the show Happy Days. Mork wanted to give Chuck a probe up his Shazbot and erased all memory of Chuck from the Cunningham family, although Marion often wondered why there was a basketball on the bed in Richie’s room.

How often do you eat McDonald’s?

Mom goes by there 2-3 times a week and gets the $5 meal with burger, fries, and chicken nuggets to bring home. If she does this, I’ll eat them. But as far as I’m going to McDonald’s, it’s been at least four years now since my last visit.

Where did you grow up?

Until I was 13, we lived in Raleigh, NC, with a brief two years in Concord, NC. Then we moved to Maxton, NC, and two years later, to Laurinburg, NC. And I’ve been here mostly ever since.

If a judge ordered you to either sleep with your ex for a year or go to jail for a year, what would you do?

I’d sleep with my ex. Almost all of my exes, even the POS crazy ones, had one thing in common. The sex was almost always good. That was never the problem. So, booty time.

How many times have you moved house in your life?

I may have missed a few, but I’m counting 19 times.

Who would be on your personal Mt. Rushmore of TV game shows?

Hollywood Squares, Match Game, Wheel of Fortune, and The Price is Right.

Do you still own an ironing board?

We do. It’s in the hall closet, and I can’t remember the last time we actually used it, but it’s there, just in case.

What did kids in the 70s/ 80s / 90s do for fun without phones and tablets?

Had friends, rode bikes, visited people, used our imaginations, and got drunk at our friends’ houses.

Repeat something your Mother said to you growing up.

Don’t (blank) that. It’s not professional. The blank could be wearing a shirt, wearing my earring, forgetting to shave, growing out my hair, and basically anything she didn’t like. If she disagreed, it was controversial and not professional.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the cornfield.

Ubuntu!