Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie:
I’m Your Huckleberry, Vittles, Redemption, and Gender Pretender
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Good morning, and what a day it is! It’s a Day of Dougie. Yeah, I know that it’s been a while. I’m awake, feeling semi-decent for a change, and thus far, no one, be it the dog, cat, or Ma, has come in here to be disruptive and annoy me. I wonder how long that will last? I was all prepared to do an edition of the Ultimate Wrestling Q&A, with twenty-two questions already outlined, waiting, and ready to be answered, and then I saw it. The Magic Bag, long neglected and collecting dust. How long has it been since I’ve reached deep into that bag and pulled out three topics of discussion to write about at random, with no warning or preparation? Too damn long. So the wrestling stuff can wait. And the over 125 questions waiting for future editions of the Ultimate X Q&A? They can wait too. It’s time for a Day of Dougie. All together now. YAY! Now, let’s find a few topics of discussion.

I’m reaching into the bag, and what comes out? We have I’m Your Huckleberry, Vittles, Redemption, and Gender Pretender. Yeah, I accidentally picked out four instead of three because two of the scraps of paper stuck together. My bad! And the topics? Is it too late to do a wrestling Q&A? They’re not winners, but I’ll do my best. So, are you ready? Let’s do this.

I’m Your Huckleberry…

The famous line uttered by Val Kilmer, portraying Doc Holliday, in the movie Tombstone. All of the great movies that Kilmer has made, yet he’ll always be Doc Holliday to most people. Well, he’s Jim Morrison, Batman, and Blunt Man to me. Does the dude have an Oscar? Well, he should. And I just checked. Val was never even nominated for an Oscar. That’s a damn shame. And I also just realized that Kilmer passed away earlier this year, in April. Damn! I remember that now, but I had forgotten. Rest in Peace, Val, and thanks for all the great memories. And now, back to the original topic. Here’s Val Kilmer in his most famous role. Poor soul. He was just too high strung.

Vittles…

If you visit Jed, Granny, Jethro, and Elly Mae in Beverly Hills, then vittles is what you’re having for lunch, maybe even at the fancy eating table. But fair warning. If Jethro is around, eat fast, or you might not get any. And if Elly Mae does the cooking, run fast, or you might actually get some, and no one wants that. The Beverly Hillbillies. That was a good show. It couldn’t be made now because it’s not ‘inclusive’, and would offend far too many people, especially Granny. But I liked it, and still do. I wouldn’t want to eat dinner at their house, but the Clampetts themselves were pretty cool.

Redemption…

To make good after a failure of some kind. Is that the right definition? I don’t feel like looking it up, and that sounds right to me. Or maybe it means payback? I guess it’s all in the context. For me, it’s going back to the basics and remembering what brought me to the table, before Q&As, before JHoody and Drunk Dane, before anything else. It was random writing, aka The Day of Dougie series. And here we are. You’re welcome!

Gender Pretender…

A fancy term for those mentally disturbed people who are of one gender, but prefer to be delusional and pretend that they’re actually someone else. I don’t know where I originally heard this term, or why I added it to the bag for that matter, but here it is, and here we are. I couldn’t care less if a woman prefers men’s clothes, or if a man wants to do drag. One of my favorite movies is about a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania. And hell, I’ve even done drag once or twice myself. And honestly, I looked awesome! But I was a man, playing a role, doing some dress-up. I know I’m a man. I still have all the parts. And I’m not pretending to be someone or something that I’m not. That’s the difference here. Wear what you want. Be who you want. But when you ignore reality and facts and expect everyone else to pretend with you or else they’re the bad guys, the wrong ones, you’re just a gender pretender. And you have issues and should seek help. ‘Nuff said!

By the way, I only got interrupted four times while writing this. Damn cat! But I love my fur-baby, and so that’s okay. Just saying. Mouthie says hello.

And there you go. That was… interesting. And I guess I’m through for now. Comments, thoughts, questions, and suggestions for future topics to add to the Magic Bag for future columns are welcome and appreciated. Be good, my friends, and stay awesome. Remember, who loves ya, baby. And Day of Dougie, and all of that stuff as well. I’ll catch you later.

Ubuntu!