Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
No Scrubs, South Carolina, and Funny Face
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Five o’clock in the morning, and I can’t sleep. That’s not unusual, as I’m usually awake most of the night anyhow, but it’s a bit different. Yesterday was a great day. I spent time with my bro-son, exchanged some messages with my bestest coolest of the coolies sister, and held my cat, dead weight, asleep in my arms for over 45 minutes. But he was sweet and content, and I just felt at absolute peace.

I wrote for a little while, and I have some tasks to attend to today that are already outlined and waiting. I’m in a good place, but something isn’t right. Something, or someone, is missing. I’m content, but there is a hole there, a void of darkness that feels hollow, seeking to be filled by a laugh, a smile, an Uber Hug. Instead, though, I’m listening to dark cello music and eating a Pop-Tarts. And since I’m up, let’s make it into a quick Day of Dougie.

Yeah, that transition sucked. But, whatever. The Magic Bag is here, so let’s pull out some topics of discussion. Today’s conversations will be No Scrubs, South Carolina, and Funny Face. Well, now we know. Let’s do this.

No Scrubs

We all remember this song, from TLC, nearly 15 years ago, and talking about the losers they don’t want. The ones that look good, but have no jobs, no sense of responsibility, no future, etc., and are usually the most exciting, appealing, and fun ones in the house. Never let them move in, leave a wallet lying around, or loan them your car keys, but damn, the romantic, bad-boy allure is strong and so alluring. Yeah, the responsible side of me says find a good, loyal, hard-working, and decent guy. But the heart flips a beat when the redneck, white-trash walks into the room. Or a twin. I hate to say it, but damn what TLC says. It’s a great song, but for a wild night, good times, and memories that last forever, I like my scrubs. I’ve always said crazy sex, with a mentally disturbed person or a liberal, is the best sex. Well, scrub sex, it’s right up there too. Here’s the song. Let’s move on.

South Carolina

The neighboring state that lies seven miles down the road. I lived there a few times over my nearly six decades of life, and I enjoyed most of those times. But for something so close by, it’s like entering another world when you cross those state lines. Not bad, but just different. I’m Ohio by birth, NC by life, and SC, it’s my second favorite state, for when I need to travel through time and space, and just have something simpler and different. I can’t explain it. I just feel it and know it. And McColl is full of scrubs and twins. That makes it extra awesome in my eyes. ‘Nuff said!

Funny Face

I had something pop into my mind when I drew this topic of discussion from the Magic Bag, but I now realize that I was thinking about Fancy Face, not Funny Face, and so, that discussion is now totally moot. I was thinking about the photography business that my Baby Mama (nickname and inside joke – not reality) owns, and how she got the name Fancy Face. A good name for taking pictures. Funny Face, the actual topic of discussion, not so much. I’m drawing a blank here now. And so, I’ll move on and wrap it up.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. And thanks for everything else. It’s time for Ma to get up, and since she has an appointment this morning, I’m headed to bed for a few hours until she clears out. Mom is not a morning person, and given how on edge I’ve been lately, we shouldn’t interact this early in the day. So, I’m gone. I’ll be back later with prediction columns for AEW All Out and WWE WrestlePalooza, plus an edition of the Ultimate Wrestling Q&A. Maybe two. So, watch for it. Stay well, and I’ll see you later. Love ya – mean it.

Ubuntu!