Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #163
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 163, and I’m still standing. Damn, it’s been a while. Let’s do this.

What law would you like to make that every person should strictly follow?

I can’t really think of anything off the top of my head that isn’t already covered in some way. Not necessarily enforced, but most rules or laws that matter are already on the books. How about you can’t wear a band’s t-shirt or jacket unless you actually listen to them and can name at least three songs they have recorded.

What’s that certain thing that people always misunderstand about you?

Kindness is often mistaken for weakness. It’s not.

Have you ever had to run from the police?

I will neither confirm nor deny that allegation. Maybe.

When you see a homeless person, what is your first thought?

Sadly, my first thought is wondering what kind of drugs they use?

Do you like to stalk someone on social media?

There are a few former associates that I regularly check up on at Facebook. Generally, it’s because I know them, what they’re capable of, and prefer to stay informed. What’s the old cliche about keeping enemies close? Or they’re just sexy and I like looking at them.

Are you a collector of something?

I used to collect comics, although I stopped buying new ones many years ago. Music, books, and seemingly, damn cats.

What are two things you can never eat for breakfast?

I can’t think of anything. Breakfast is just another meal to me, and nothing is off limits.

Do you get bored easily?

Not so much bored as easily distracted and lost in my mind. It’s hard sometimes to stay focused.

What’s a current habit that you want to quit?

Procrastination. And not returning calls, texts, IMs, etc., immediately. I mean to, but then I get distracted for a moment, the moment becomes hours, and then days, and then… It’s very awkward. I need to work on that.

What would you teach every girl on the planet about men if you had the chance?

Men suck! All women are crazy to differing degrees, and all men are assholes to some degree. Simple, but true.

If you were given the chance to kiss and hug someone, who would that be?

Right now, I’d take the first male body that approaches me. I’m lonely. But ideally, I’d want it to be Eric.

For a day, would you rather be a hobbit or an elf?

An elf. Then I’d have access to all the cookies.

What is the highest degree of pain you’ve ever experienced on a scale of 1-10?

Probably a nine or ten. It’s hard for me to judge, though, because I have a very high pain tolerance, plus I’m in pain constantly, so I just ignore it and go on with my day.

Where would you go if you could teleport yourself from one place to another?

Connecticut, Wilmington, Moore County, Eric’s, and the Liquor Store.

Would you rather be loved by everyone but never respected, or respected by everyone but never loved?

Respected. Hate me if you choose, but I demand respect.

Are you smart enough to solve 100 addition problems in 100 minutes?

I would think so. Yes.

When you reach the age of 80, what will matter the most to you?

I’m not going to make it to 80, but supposing I do, my priority will be to not be a burden to anyone and to look after those who are important to me.

Are you more of a “fix it yourself” or “call an expert” kind of person?

I know my capabilities. Hand me that damn phone.

What words of advice would you offer to your younger self?

Trust your gut, embrace your real self, never loan money to ANYONE, and don’t be shy. Speak up.

What three things would you want with you if you were stranded on a desert island?

Food, water, and shelter. And once those are taken care of, computers with internet, delivery from Walmart, and Taylor Lautner.

What is your favorite indoor activity?

Writing, reading, and sleep.

What vegetable would you be if you were a vegetable?

Stephen Hawking. Or a potato. Take your pick.

Be honest, do you still take COVID tests when you feel sick?

Nope. That’s all government lies and propaganda. I take cough syrup or a Halls. I don’t do Covid.

What are the things that take up too much of your time?

Overthinking, depression, and sleeping.

What’s your preference: to be buried or cremated?

Have you seen the cost of the most basic funerals? The cost of living has really jumped regarding being dead. Just pretend I’m a Jew and send my body to the big oven. It’s simpler, more economical, and far more efficient.

Would you rather visit your ancestors in the past or meet your descendants in the future?

I have no children by blood, so there won’t be any descendants to speak of. So, ancestors it is.

What is the silliest thing you’ve ever seen a stranger do in public?

I watched a drunk get into a fight with a gas pump and lose. That was pretty silly.

What is always coming but never arrives?

All the money loaned out over the years to friends. I’m gonna pay you back just as soon as… Still waiting.

What if a red button that read “push me, I dare you” suddenly appeared in the middle of your living room?

I’d stare at it for a few minutes, and then I’d push it. And then, we’d wait.

If you had to lose your hands or your feet, which would you choose?

My feet. I’m already 1 1/2-way there, so I would adapt easily.

Which of your body parts do you wish to change?

My right leg. I’d like to see a foot there.

Have you ever consumed so much alcohol that you passed out?

A few times. That used to be a normal Friday night.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the comic book shop.

Ubuntu!