Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie:
Rapid Fire Edition: Doggy Cages, Talk Radio, Boiled Peanuts & More
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Three o’clock in the morning, and how the hell are you? I’m actually feeling okay right now. I just finished listening to a ninety-minute interview with Shooter Jennings, talking about his Mom, Dad, and the new Waylon album. And now, for probably the 150th time in 48 hours, I’m listening to it once again. Shooter got emotional a few times talking about his dad, putting this new album together, and it’s contagious. My allergies are acting up as well. Damn you, Shooter. It’s a great album. Waylon: Songbird. Listen to it. You’ll be glad you did.

Today, yesterday, now, but I’m still awake, so it counts as today, was a weird and eventful day. I called the plumber. We had a busted main water line. He fixed it. We have water pressure again. I chilled with my bro for a few minutes. That’s always cool. I sent some good music to my favorite young dude, who turned 14 this past Wednesday. The Doors, Black Sabbath, The Charlie Daniels Band, Bon Jovi, Cheech & Chong, and, of course, Alice and Waylon. I’m spreading culture and positive musical influence. And my cat slept in my lap while I watched RAW and wrote a Q&A. He never moved the entire time, despite my typing and muttering. For over two hours. Damn cat. Finally, he went to eat, meow at the cats outside, and terrorize the dog. And now, here we are.

I just added sixty-seven new words and phrases, also known as topics of discussion, to the Magic Bag. And since I added a few, I feel I should take some out as well. And let’s have fun and make this a rapid-fire edition. I’ll reach into the bag, pull out a topic of discussion, write something about it, and keep going until I get bored with this or tired. Does that sound like a plan or what? Writing about random topics with no preparation. Hell, it could turn out fun, right? Think positively. And let’s roll.

Okay, I just changed my mind. I’m going to bed. I’ll pick up here when I wake up and tackle some of these topics. I was fine until I yawned, and now, I’m ready to sleep for 2-3 hours. So, I will. I’ll be back shortly. Good night, my lovelies. I will return.

And now, it’s Wednesday afternoon, at 12:30 pm. My bad! Let’s get random and do this.

Gypsies

When I think of a gypsy, I think of thieves, fortune tellers, and traveling from place to place, never welcome anywhere for long. That’s the stereotype, anyhow. And I think of Cher… and this song. No one wanted them around, but they would always seek them out when they needed help. Listen to the song.

Bad Habits

I have no bad habits. Only slightly eccentric behavior at times, and that’s okay. I’m a writer. No bad habits, though. Unfortunately, I’m single. Damn it!

Talk Radio

I remember it well. Radio shows that dealt not with music, but with discussion, knowledge, and information instead. I remember listening late at night to guys like Art Bell and Sally Jessie Raphael, before she moved to television. Dr. Drew on LoveLine, and Rush Limbaugh talking politics. Good times and good memories. I always preferred the talk to the music. That was how I learned about 9/11 and the bombings. I was taking a friend home, and turned my radio on after dropping him off. I was going to listen to Neil Boortz, and the planes hitting the Twin Towers had just happened. Yeah, talk radio told me what was happening, and I can still remember Boortz, live on the radio that morning. Damn!

Chuck E. Cheese

I’ve heard about these places, but I’ve never actually been to one. A pizza joint for kids, and its mascot is a giant rat. Nothing makes me crave pizza more than a big rat. All righty then.

Yakoff Smirnoff

Wasn’t he a stand-up comic in the ’80s? He was from Russia and appeared on the TV series Night Court a few times. I just looked him up, and he’s still doing comedy. He bought his own 2000-seat theatre in Bronson, MO, and has been there since 1993. He has a degree in Psychology, and also does self-help workshops, as well as comedy. And he writes regularly for the AARP magazine. Damn, the guy must be smart. Only in America. Or as Yakoff would say, “America! What a country!”.

Fletch

All I can remember of this is a bad movie starring Chevy Chase. I dimly remember the movie one late night many years ago. I wasn’t impressed.

Boiled Peanuts

Some people like them. I think they’re nasty. But that’s just a matter of taste. For some reason, they remind me of lima beans. No, I don’t know why, but they just do. Actually, the boiled peanuts bring some good memories as well. My sister, Lynn, for a time, had a flea market business up in Laurel Hill, and one of her big things was boiled peanuts. I remember the huge pot she used to cook the peanuts on the stovetop, and then bag them up, 2-3 nights a week. I still have the big pot here in my kitchen. And I still don’t like boiled peanuts. But when someone mentions them, it always makes me smile.

Count Von Count

One of my favorite muppets from Sesame Street. The Count was cool. And he loved to count. And even today, if I have to count something, I’ll hear the Count’s voice, with that strong accent, counting loudly in my head. And every so often, I’ll throw in that laugh as well, but usually out loud and for all to hear. When the Count was involved, we all loved to count.

Action and Adventure

My life working at all of the convenience stores for so many years, in three words or less. ‘Nuff said!

Don Ho.

I used to know a guy named Don. And yes, he was a ho. But he was cute and a lot of fun, many, many times. And I think there was a singer in Hawaii, too. Different guy, but same name.

Doggy Cage

Some people actually make their dogs stay in a cage either at night or when they’re not home. And I get it. They don’t want the dog to tear up anything or use the bathroom in the house. So they stick them in a small cage. Those people suck. A properly trained dog doesn’t need a cage. And a responsible pet owner would properly train their dog, so a cage wouldn’t be needed. A pet is your child. Would you throw your three-year-old toddler in a steel cage? Nope. You’d be responsible, teach them, and clean up any messes they might make. It’s the same principle. Get rid of the cage and be a good pet-parent. Or get rid of the pet, and let someone who can treat them right and love them have them instead. Cages suck!

Drivers Ed

I took Driver’s Ed in school as part of my tenth-grade year. It was an experience. Our teacher, an older black man named Mr. Dixon, missed the first few weeks of class due to being in a car accident. Class was okay, and he was a decent teacher. And then we drove. For that, I was given a new name. He would have us drive him around while he got food, visited friends, ran errands, etc. And my name? “Damn you, boy!”. I think I scared him a few times. But, I passed the class, and went on to get my permit, and then license when I turned sixteen. Do they still even teach Driver’s Ed in school? Well, I’m glad they did when I was there. And Mr. Dixon. He has been dead for many years now, but it’s not my fault. He got a little loud sometimes, but he was a good dude.

And there you go. I think that’s enough for now. Thanks for reading, and thanks for your patience. I’m outta here for now. Stay well, and have a great day. Yeah, have a Day of Dougie. You’re welcome. I’ll see you at the music store.

Ubuntu!