Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #164
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 164, and I’m still standing. Damn, it’s been a while. Let’s do this.

What if you could only communicate by breaking out into song?

Then break out the band because I would be totally cool with that. I’m a big fan of many musicals, and randomly breaking out into song and dance sounds cool as hell to me.

What has been the funniest or strangest thing that has happened to you on a first date?

Well, I went to the movies with a girl who liked me, Connie, and it was Lethal Weapon. And I fell asleep about a third of the way through the movie. She woke me up with an elbow. She didn’t think it was funny and was pissed off. I laughed, though.

If you were required to evacuate and had only time to grab five items, what would you take with you?

Five things? My cat, my computer, a box of jewelry, notes, and other assorted stuff from my bedroom, my travel bag, which I keep pre-packed with shorts, t-shirts, drawers, vodka, and other assorted items, and Mom.

What color would you like if you had to eat a crayon straight from the box?

Probably the purple one. I like grape.

What does the word “ok” mean to you?

It means exactly what it implies. Things are good, or yes, depending on the context. It means okay.

Have you ever been in a car crash? Were you at fault?

I’ve been in a couple. And I might have been careless or driving at a high rate of speed, but despite that, it was NOT my fault. I refuse to accept responsibility.

If you could become any mythical creature for a day, what would it be?

An Olympian god, preferably one of the Greek ones. I’ll settle for being Zeus.

Are you the life of the party?

Nope, I’m a supporting player, but I prefer it that way. Let someone else be the boss and center of attention. I’d rather watch, observe, and enjoy the show.

If you could have dinner with any five people from history, who would they be?

Senator Jesse E. Helms (R-NC), Tina Turner, Harley Race, Waylon Jennings, and Charlie Kirk.

In all honesty, what are some of your guilty pleasures that you are willing to admit to?

I like hugging, Jazz music, the Twilight movies, candlelight, lifesavers, and Space Ghost cartoons.

Who would you appoint as the president of the Internet, and why?

Who? Ringo Starr. Why? Because he’s freakin’ Ringo Starr. What more reason would I need?

Who do you wish you could torture for the rest of your life?

Nobody. Why ruin my life with such a deed? There is nobody worth my time or hatred that much. There are a few people I’d love to see blessed with constant exploding diarrhea for the rest of their days, but I wouldn’t want to be the person responsible for it. Let Karma have her fun.

What would your friends and family think if you were arrested without explanation?

They’d think I either said something on the internet and the Feds have come calling, or it was just the wrong day and someone decided to try me. Pissing off Dougie is never a good thing.

Would you rather be forced to wear shoes every second of your life or never be able to wear shoes again?

I already don’t wear shoes. I have a prosthetic leg on the right side, and a foot on the left, what’s left of it, where I change the dressing twice a day, and wear a medical shoe. So real shoes? They’re already gone from my life.

Which living individual, outside of your family, do you value the most?

It’s not a single person, but a group. My bro, the Infamous One, his partner in life, and the two Mini-Me’s. The family. Plus Theresa, Brent, and Eric.

Have you ever tried to punch someone in the face because of what they’ve done?

I’ve tried and I’ve succeeded. I used to have a temper.

Have you ever offered to help anyone else with their homework in return for something specific?

Not homework, but I have done favors for favors. Just friends looking out for each other.

What is the worst possible name you might give your child?

I can think of many bad names, but the top one for a guy has to be Adolph. And for a girl, Shaniquia.

What’s the strangest dream you’ve had recently?

I had a dream a few days ago where an old friend of mine, who’s been gone for about5-6 years now, and I were sitting on my front porch, drinking Kool-Aid, and talking about a car that had just driven by, and chicken fingers. No, it makes no sense to me either, but it was so vivid and clear. I miss you, Kever, old friend.

What’s the first body part you wash in the shower?

The stomach, belly, and crotch area.

What is the worst way someone could die?

I would think either burning alive, trapped in a fire, or being trampled by a marching band. Either/Or.

What are the three scents you like?

Vanilla, Pine, and Old Spice.

Are you a morning person?

Late nights and early mornings are my times to thrive.

Do you like to read?

If I’m not writing, I’m usually reading. It is one of my favorite activities.

Do you think Tyler Robinson will get the death penalty for the murder of Charlie Kirk? Should he?

He should, but it won’t happen. America has gone too soft.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the comic book shop.

Ubuntu!