Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #166
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 166, and I’m still here. Don’t say I don’t love ya.

Do you prefer to stay in or go out?

I generally prefer to stay in whenever possible. If I do go out, I tend to enjoy it and feel better, but the anxiety to make myself go out, unless absolutely necessary, is a pure bitch.

Is fashion important to you?

I wear shorts and t-shirts. Damn fashion. It’s all about being comfortable.

What’s your go-to dish to bring to a dinner party?

Devilled eggs, baked beans, and cookies if I am in the mood to bake them.

What do you think is your most annoying quirk?

Returning phone calls and messages. I absolutely suck when it comes to that. It’s nothing personal, but between anxiety and forgetfulness, it happens far more often than it should.

How do you wind down before going to sleep?

I read, write, or listen to music.

What’s the weirdest thing in your fridge right now?

A bottle of Bud Light Platinum has been sitting there for over a year. Beer is not weird, per se, but that it’s lasted that long. I haven’t felt like drinking.

What app do you use every day?

Facebook, X, YouTube, and Spotify are my most regular apps.

What’s your best tip for saving money?

If I don’t need it, don’t buy it. And use cash. It’s easier to keep track of.

Would you prefer to fly in an airplane piloted by two robots, who are programmed never to make what are called “human errors?” Or in an airplane piloted by two human beings, who are capable of errors but who care about surviving, whereas robots have no personal concerns?

I saw that Will Smith movie about the robots. I’ll go with the human pilots.

The number of times you’ve moved homes.

If I’ve counted right, 18 times. Most of that was in my wayward youth. We’ve owned this house for forty-four years, and I’ve been back here living now since 2004.

The most unusual thing you’ve eaten.

Jerky made of alligator, snake, and ostrich. And some stew at Mr. Chavis’s house. I have no idea what was in that pot. And to be honest, I don’t want to know.

The number of times you’ve binge-watched your favorite TV show.

I’m currently on my 4th run of Shameless, and I lost track of how many times I’ve seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Dark Shadows.

The most memorable family vacation you’ve taken.

Washington, DC, with Alex and Wakana. Hey, they’re family to me. And it wasn’t a vacation, but instead, a trip to get passports expedited at the Japanese Embassy. But it still counts.

Your family’s go-to meal for special occasions.

As we’ve gotten older, the go-to meal isn’t so much cooked as ordered out. KFC Family Meals, chicken with three sides, seems to work quite well.

The number of pets your family has owned over the years.

I have no idea. There have been many, especially if all the assorted straybies who have taken up here for days, weeks, or months, never quite becoming permanent, but still briefly joining our motley crew of a family.

The most unusual family heirloom.

The witch picture. Long story short, there was a picture my Dad had of a gypsy-looking woman, drawn in black and white. I have no idea where it came from, but Dad had it on his wall at his trailer. My sister, Lynn, liked it and ‘borrowed it’ for a while. And then for some reason, it ended up at my brother’s house. Then Lynn got it back, and after she passed away, my sister Terri ended up with it. And Terri had it until last month when it was stolen from her room at the Nursing Home. But it was around since the mid-80s, until last month. It was very cool, yet rather creepy. Very nice, yet very evil.

What was the last good book you read?

I’m reading it right now. The World According To Dutch, by Dutch Mantell. A wrestling icon and legend, who just happens to be a very good storyteller. Or a very good bullshitter. With Dutch, it’s hard to tell.

What’s the weirdest thing you loved as a child?

My family. And then, I grew up and opened my eyes.

Is there a correlation between violent video games and real-world violence?

I think so, yes. People play the games, casually killing, and unfortunately, become so caught up in the games that they have trouble separating reality from fiction. Real violence & fantasy violence. In their sick little heads, they are the same thing.

Will stricter gun control laws help prevent mass shootings?

Nope. Stricter laws will only prevent law-abiding citizens from getting guns. Criminals and killers don’t follow laws.

What is your favorite celebrity scandal right now?

Are there any good ones going on? I haven’t been keeping track since the Johnny Depp, Amber Heard lawsuits. I guess the Jimmy Kimmel stuff. They should just fire his ass. Colbert and Jimmy Fallon, too. They all suck! Bring back Arsenio Hall.

Should parents or other adults be able to ban books from schools and libraries?

I’m torn on this one. I believe that reading is important and essential to a good mind and a well-rounded person. And I hate censorship. But some of these books. Why should an 8-year-old be reading about gay relationships, or a 12-year-old be reading graphic descriptions of anal sex? I’d just suggest using common sense, but that seems to be lacking more often than not. I really don’t know on this one.

If you could host a talk show, who would you have on as your first guest?

My first line-up of guests would be Johnny Depp, Brad Williams, Taylor Lautner, and musical guest, Alice Cooper.

What’s your best cooking tip?

Forget about that microwave. Yes, it’s faster, but use the oven and stove instead. Food cooked properly tastes better.

Should immigrants be automatically deported, despite how long they’ve been in the country?

If they’re in this country illegally, they should be deported. Period! End of story. Follow the rules and come to our country legally, or get the hell out, period.

What’s your favorite city you’ve visited?

Wilmington, NC. I lived there for two years, and then moved back to Laurinburg. I should have stayed there. That city was great.

Phone or no phone in the bathroom?

I prefer to use the bathroom as a break from everyone and everything. No phone is needed.

Which celebrity would play you in a movie about your life?

I would say Zac Efron, or maybe Taylor Lautner. Reality says, probably Jack Black.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the big clock tower.

Ubuntu!