Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Christy Lane, Sugar Daddy, Rudolph, and Ultimate X
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Greetings. How the hell are you? It’s Thursday afternoon, and I’m just totally bummed out today. It’s finally quit raining, and I should feel great, but I realized today just how fragile and sad my life has become. No, I’m not going to bitch, while, and do the Woe Is Me thing. Usually, just writing will clear my head, chase away the blues, and make me feel better. Well, that or a strong, firm hug. Any volunteers?

I guess not. So, let’s get straight to business. It’s a Day of Dougie. I’ll throw in some random questions from Twitter, the land of X, and pull out three topics of discussion from the Magic Bag. And the topics of discussion for today are Christy Lane, Sugar Daddy, and Rudolph. Okay, this should be interesting. Are you ready? No time for love, Mrs. Jones. Let’s do this.

Christy Lane

The main thing I remember here is the commercials. They flooded afternoon television in the early ’80s, and that song, “One Day at a Time”. She was never a big star or had much radio success, but Christy Lane bypassed the radio and used commercials and direct sales to achieve success that few artists could dream of. You may not know the name, but you knew the hair, the voice, and the music. And yes, I think my sister had the album. Christy Lane was in infomercials before there were infomercials, and while she didn’t get the gold records, she got the sales and the money. A trailblazer. And, she’s still alive today. 85 and still going. Here’s the video for one of her songs. Enjoy.

Should major cities ban cars from city centers?

If cars are banned from the center of cities, how will people get to the center of the city? Public transportation? A subway? Why would anyone choose that if they have a car? Dumb question.

Do you enjoy being somewhere no one else knows you?

Yes, and no. In this town, too damn many people know me, and it gets a bit tedious when out and about. But the fact that I’m well known essentially assures me that if I have any issues or problems, I’ll have immediate assistance. And that is a reassuring thought to have, especially at this time of my life. So, my answer? Maybe.

Should prisons focus more on rehabilitation or punishment?

Prisons are not about rehabilitation. They’re about getting people off the streets for a while, to be someone else’s problem. Break the law, and become a number and statistic, until you’re released. And then wash, rinse, repeat.

Sugar Daddy

I’m too poor to be a sugar daddy. Maybe a Splenda mentor on occasion, but a sugar daddy takes care of their baby in exchange for their baby taking care of them. I don’t mind having some fun, but I can barely take care of myself. So, it’s no strings attached, or nothing. Hell, you kids should be paying me. Oldest ride in the park, but longest lines. Yeah, I am that damn good. Don’t believe me? Prove me wrong.

Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad, but it turned out to be for the best?

I’m sure that I have, but nothing immediately comes to mind right now. My bad!

You find yourself trapped in an elevator with Taylor Swift. What do you say to her?

I’m polite, ask about her musical influences, and have a civil discussion. Just because she’s a dunderhead doesn’t mean I can’t be polite and friendly. My parents raised me right.

When you get married, will you take your spouse’s last name, have them take yours, or use a hyphenated version?

I really don’t know. I’ve never given it much thought before because I honestly doubt I’ll ever be married. But if it were to happen, my guess would be a hyphenated version. My name is my brand, so I can’t see changing it, and at this age, any changes would be a major pain in the ass. Love is worth it, but so long as I have him, who cares what it says on the driver’s license? We’d have to discuss this, my husband and I.

Rudolph

He’s a reindeer with a freakish, glow-in-the-dark nose. He should probably see a doctor about that, and I’m not talking about Ernie, the Dentist. The breakout star and legend of the Reindeer from Santa’s tribe.

Should the voting age be lowered or raised?

The voting age, 18, is fine where it’s at. If you can be arrested as an adult, sign a legal contract, get married, and be drafted, then you should be able to vote.

When was the last time you had an amazing meal?

I had Mac & Cheese and tater tots this morning for breakfast. Would that count?

Should schools have surveillance cameras in classrooms and hallways?

Yes. For the safety of the students, the teachers, and everyone else, complete video transparency. Video and audio. No exceptions.

And there you go. Another Day in the books. And yeah, it worked. I’m feeling a little more like myself and with it. My nerves are still shot, but it’s not quite as bad. Thanks for reading, and for the continued support. I only get through every day because of you guys, and my damn cat, of course. I guess that’s all for now. Be good, and I’ll talk to you later.

Ubuntu!