Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Hamburger Meat, Strays, Kwanzaa, and Ultimate X
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Thursday night, or more appropriately, Friday morning. Happy Halloween. Yes, another Day of Dougie. I like this new format: discussing the topics from the infamous Magic Bag, then mixing in a few random questions from the Ultimate X Land of Tweets. More Dougie for your money. Oh, wait, I don’t charge anything. All of this madness for free. Don’t you feel blessed?

By the way, Happy Halloween. No small talk tonight. I’m listening to the blues, and just in a chillaxing state of mind. So, what are the topics for today? Hamburger Meat, Strays, and Kwanza. I wish I had a cigarette. But I don’t. I only have this computer and my keyboard. Let’s get busy and do this. Whoop whoop!

Hamburger Meat

The most basic and versatile food product in existence. Think about it. You have two pounds of hamburger and are trying to decide what to fix for dinner. Hamburgers, meatloaf, spaghetti, tacos, Hamburger Helper, soup, and that’s just off the top of my head. Personally, I’d throw a Hungry Man chicken dinner or chicken nuggets and tater tots into the oven, but the hamburger provides many other options. Oh, I forgot about chili. That’s one of my best dishes, so how can I forget about that? And it’s just from the processed, ground-up remains of a cow. The same cow that provides us with steak, milk, and tripe. OK, that’s from a pig, but still, EEWW! I don’t want that little hand dancing around my kitchen offering suggestions for dinner, as it does in the Hamburger Helper commercials. If that hand pops up, I’m feeding it to the straybies. But a hamburger is a great thing. And poor ol’ Bessie? My condolences, but a man has to eat.

What do you miss most about being a kid?

The lack of true responsibility and the large group of friends wandering in and out of our lives and home. Yeah, growing up sucks.

If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be?

Two questions immediately come to mind. Who let the dogs out? And Meatloaf said he’d do anything for love, but won’t do that. What the hell is that?

If you were reincarnated as an animal, what would it be?

A mockingbird. Those are mean little birds, and everyone is scared of them. I’d fly around, terrorizing people and animals, sending out fake bird calls in a mocking, no pun intended, manner. And poop on people and cars, especially blue mustangs, right, Andrew, as I fly overhead. Yeah, those birds are bad ass, and they know it.

Strays

The four young cats that now live under our house show up every morning and evening, looking for food. First it was one, then two, and now it’s four regular little fuzzy grifters who have established my Mom and me as their resident servants and two-legged, well, one and 1/2 half-legged peons. And they told their friends. A middle-sized Possum is now part of the resident begging society, but he usually waits until around 1:30 or 2:00 each morning to make his appearance. But they’re all adorable and have their own unique little personalities, so it’s all good. Mouthie seems to like them, so it’s all good. Damn cats and possum. The straybies. Gotta love them.

What sound do you love?

The laughter of a baby, Eric singing in my ear, and the purring of my damn cat when he’s climbed up on my shoulder, and is just lying there, dead weight, but totally content.

When doing the grocery shopping, do you go for the store brands or do you prefer buying name brands?

I usually go for the store brands. More often than not, it’s just as good, but slightly cheaper, and hell, I’m on a damn budget.

Should University/college education be free?

Nothing is free, and the teachers, books, and other costs need to be paid for somehow. But it doesn’t need to cost as much as it does. There needs to be a happy medium where secondary higher education is available at a reasonable cost, so it’s accessible to those who are willing to make the effort and work for it. But free? There is no such thing.

Kwanzaa

I’ve heard of this, but never quite understood what it’s supposed to be or why it exists. It’s a made-up holiday to celebrate black culture, and takes place from December 26 to January 1. It came to be in 1966 as part of the Civil Rights movement, and it’s seemingly a mix of Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s, and was created not long after the Watts riots to give blacks an alternative to Whitey and Christmas. It’s the same in relation to Christmas as Juneteenth is to the Fourth of July. A made-up Holiday to keep the races divided and separate. I’m not criticizing or mocking it. I just don’t get it or see the reason. As we all know, there is only one holiday that matters, and that’s February 4th, Alice Cooper’s birthday. Well, that and Halloween. Happy Halloween. Any other holidays? Who needs them?

What’s your least favorite mode of transportation?

I’m not a big fan of bicycles, for obvious reasons. And my anxiety makes any form of public transportation unbearable. If it’s not a simple ride in a car, I’m not a fan of it.

What was the last experience that made you a stronger person?

Every day, just surviving, keeping on while I’m keeping on, and the fact that I’m not giving up or giving in, makes me stronger. So, it’s not just a single experience, but all of them.

And I guess that’s all for tonight. Thanks for reading and for the continued support. If you have any questions or suggestions for possible topics of discussion, give me a shout and let me know. Have a great Day of Dougie, and in the words of Mork from Ork, “Nanu Nanu!” I’ll catch you on the other side.

Ubuntu!