Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Straybies, Life Updates, Harpo Marx, and Ultimate X
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

It’s Sunday, and what day is it? It’s Dougie Day, aka A Day of Dougie. How the hell are you? No chit chat today. Let’s get straight to the Magic Bag. Harpo Marx. Okay, we can do that, plus updates for my life, and something that I want to talk about, the Straybies. We’ll add in a few Ultimate X questions, and damn it, it looks as if we have a work of literary masterpiece. So let’s get to it, shall we?

Straybies

The Straybies are not getting along. As my regular readers know, I have a few stray cats that I feed regularly. The prime cat, Fuego, two slightly smaller cats, Little Red & Mini Me Goldy, and an old, grumpy Tom that I call Big Red. Usually, the first three are always together, while Big Red will drag along shortly afterward. But for the past few days, Fuego has been coming alone, Little Red has been coming alone, Mini Me Goldy has been coming alone, and the old grump remains alone. What the hell? Where is the love? Where is the harmony? I sense civil unrest among the feline family. What the hell is going on? Everyone is getting fed and given attention, whether they want it or not, but the band seems to have broken up. More on this as it develops.

Do you believe we are alone in the universe?

Nope, not at all. There are billions of galaxies and planets out there, and to think we’re the only life that exists? That’s pompous, ignorant, and just outright dumb. We might be the only planet with life in our galaxy, but there are others out there.

Are you superstitious about anything?

I know that if I wake up and feel good, someone will quickly ruin it for me. But that’s not superstition. That’s just a fact. I’ve also heard that if you “Woooo!” in your mirror sixteen times, Ric Flair will show up and cut a promo on you. I’m not sure if that’s true or not, though.

Life Updates

My truck is in the shop. Brakes. I’ll get it back either Monday or Tuesday. But I’ve been here at the house since last Friday, nine days ago, with no transportation. I’m going insane.

No transportation means I missed my doctor’s appointments last week and will miss my appointment with Dr. Rowson on Monday. I rescheduled so I’ll be able to see Dr. Neal on Wednesday, and Dr. Rowson next month.
I’m still keeping checks on my foot, changing the dressings twice daily. Not getting better, but not getting worse. I think I’ve hit a plateau.

Terri, my sister, had a major scare last weekend. She couldn’t swallow and had to be rushed to the hospital. She’s doing better now, but it was not good for a while there. She’s not getting better, and to be honest, if either she or Mom is still here with me by next Christmas, Christmas 2026, I’ll be very surprised. Thankful, but surprised.

I’m wearing a shirt today, a simple red pullover with a blue stripe, that I originally bought in Wilmington in 1997. It’s a nerdy shirt, and I liked it, bought it, and then decided I didn’t like it, and forgot about it. I found it a few years ago, was too fat, washed it up, and threw it in a drawer. I found it and tried it this morning. It fits and still looks brand new. 28 years old and as good as new. And I like it again now. Go figure.

What makes you get out of bed every morning?

Each day, I wonder more and more about that. I usually need to pee, plus I have the straybies and Mouthie, who depend on me. So I check their food and make sure their needs are met. And after that, I just don’t damn know anymore.

Would you support BLM and Pride Flags getting BANNED in every public Classroom in America?

Yes, I would. Propaganda flags don’t belong in a classroom. The only flags that should be in a school are the national flag, Old Glory, and the state flag, period. No exceptions. Classrooms are not for the teachers to share their political beliefs or spread the fake narrative of the day. The students shouldn’t even know the teacher’s social or political beliefs or sexual orientation. Stick to basic education and leave the agenda at home, where it belongs.

Harpo Marx

One of the famous Marx Brothers. Harpo was the blonde with crazy hair who didn’t talk, but was extremely woman crazy and played the harp, hence the name Harpo. I remember him in a few of the Marx Brothers movies, especially Animal Crackers, but I don’t know too much about him. Groucho was the one who hosted the game show, shot off the one-liners, hung out with Alice Cooper, and always wanted to know if you’d like to buy a duck. But if Groucho was the star of the family, Harpo was a very close second. The Marx Brothers were kind of before my time, but he’ll always stand out in my eyes. Just a cool dude.

Do men still open doors?

Of course we do. How do you think we managed to come inside? If we couldn’t open doors, we’d just be standing around outside all of the time, looking in the windows and looking miserable. And who wants that?

What is your favorite body part on a partner?

The eye to draw me in, the forearms to stroke the manly hair, and the butt for all sorts of interesting reasons. Yes, I’m an ass man. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

And in the words of Minnie Pearl, “We’re through singing now!”. And I just looked out on my back porch. Fuego, Little Red, and Mini Me Goldy are all there, together. So, they’ve got the band back together. So, chapter one, about the Straybies. Never mind. Damn cats. And with that, I’m out of here. I need to go feed these moochers and take out the trash. Be good, my friends, and I’ll see you later.

Ubuntu!