Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
GoFundMe, A BIG Mistake, Bar Room Buddies & Ultimate X
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Let’s jump right into it like a big pile of leaves on a cool October afternoon. Wait, is that a snake? Look out for the rake! OUCH! Damn, someone go call 911. That didn’t work out too well. Hopefully, this will go much smoother. The topics of discussion for today are GoFundMe, A Big Mistake, and Bar Room Buddies, with a few Ultimate X questions from the Land of Tweets thrown in for good measure. Let’s do this.

GoFundMe

Have you ever used a GoFundMe? I ask because I never have, but I’m strongly thinking about it now. And my reason? A freakin’ ass water bill. Last month, our water bill was higher than usual. About fifty dollars higher. I knew that wasn’t right. And our water pressure was next to nothing. We had water, but the pressure just wasn’t there. So, I told Ma because she is a bit of a control freak, and needed to know. And she did nothing.

So, the next day, I called the plumber. He came that afternoon, and guess what? The water pipes had busted. He fixed it promptly, charged a fair price, and left. And now, I have the new water bill. Normally, it runs about $82, and that includes all the perks, trash pickup, etc. Guess what this one was? $816.15. Yes, you read that correctly. $816.15. And the only income I have each month, for ALL the bills, groceries, car insurance, gas, pet food, etc? One disability check is just over $1200. I’ve been saving money for the past few months. Being anti-social and never leaving the house saves money. Also, learning to say, “No!” works wonders.

But I’ve got this, and I’m pretty much screwed now. And I’m thinking of doing a GoFundMe to get some help. I hate asking for help for anything. I’ve been told that I’m the stubborn sort, and it might be true. As Charlie Daniels once said, I ain’t asking nobody for nothing, if I can’t get it on my own. I’ve lived that motto for a long, long time. But times have changed, and on the GoFundMe pages, I see people asking for money for groceries, a guitar, help with medical bills, help with car repairs, help to buy art supplies, to pay for a wedding, pet care, and just for being too lazy to work. And people are giving them money. So, would asking for help with a water bill be too much? I hate being a moocher, but it seems that I may not have a choice. I’m conflicted. And my truck is in the shop. Damn! Help a brutha out. What should I do?

What role does technology play in your happiness?

It, technology, gives me a computer, where I can talk to strangers, look up information, and present my writings to the masses, all without leaving my home. I can also do my shopping, pick up my prescriptions, and listen to any kind of music I want, all because of this technology. So, what role does it play? It keeps me relevant, distracted, and semi-content.

How do you want to be remembered after you’re gone?

A cool dude, the wrestling guy.

A BIG Mistake

Last night, I was on Facebook, being nosy and catching up on the lives of my friends, associates, and strangers who look cool, and well, it made for an interesting evening. I was looking at the stories, and I saw that an old associate of mine had posted a picture of a pretty girl. And my first thought was, this dude has a new girlfriend. And being the inquisitive person that I am, I decided to take a look.

The pic of the girl was there, and then, the picture changed. We had a text conversation between my friend and the girl. And it was very explicit. And I do mean “very explicit”. But wait, there’s more. And then it clicked and changed to another page, a shot that held nine small pictures. Two recent pics of my friend’s face, a pic of the girl, three others, and three of my buddies’ genitalia. Yeppers. Three big ol’ dick pics. Well, my old acquaintance is a former military, a good-looking guy, and was always athletic. And he’s packing. I had to look again to believe what I was seeing. And then I looked a few more times because, hell, the dude is packing. He’s HOT!

And then I did the right thing and sent him a message to let him know that he needs to probably delete that story from FB. I explained why, and yes, since we’ve known each other forty years, at least, I made a smart-ass comment about great pics and how I knew he was an awesome dude, but I never knew how awesome. DAMN! Yeah, I gotta be me. And so far, no response. The story is still up, and my message has been unread/ So, now we wait. But my friend made a goof, and in doing so, literally exposed all of his dirty little secrets. Yeah, he made a big mistake, although he has no reason to be ashamed. But he needs to remove that post. I can’t wait to hear his reply. And now, you know.

Should individuals be held responsible for their actions if they were under the influence of drugs or alcohol?

Alcohol and drugs may influence actions, but in the end, actions have consequences, and regardless of their involvement, if you do the crime, you do the time. So, regardless of why, if you do it, you deal with it. ‘Nuff said!

If you could become famous by magic, would you want to?

My name can be famous, and I can have a bank account associated with being famous. That would be cool. But my face being famous? Too many people know me already. I prefer that my appearance and face remain anonymous.

Bar Room Buddies

This is where you know someone, hang out with someone, drink and party with someone, and you’re friends. But outside of the drinking, there is but the most casual of contact. That’s not a friend. That’s a barroom buddy. And I had a ton of those in my younger days. We weren’t much into the bars so much as motels, fields, and The Mans, but the idea is still the same.

The only time I did the bars was one time that I went to a bar in Gibson, NC, with The Chavis Boys. We went once, stayed about twenty minutes, and then went back to Carl and Carson’s house to get drunk. A few weeks later, we went again. We pulled up in the parking lot, heard gunshots, and left. So, I didn’t do clubs or bars. I would rather stay home with the underage members of our group, the babies, and babysit until everyone else returned from the clubs.

Bottom line is that they’re still a part of your life, y’all hang out regularly, share motels, and drink together quite frequently. That’s a big part of my younger and crazier days. And it was also a song. Merle Haggard and Clint Eastwood did a duet. Yes, it’s that Clint Eastwood. And the song is good. Here you go.

What’s a song or movie that perfectly captures how you feel about life?

I’ll let Puddles Pity Party and Haley Reinhart answer this one for me. It’s a Mad Mad World.

Have you ever had a holiday romance?

I’ve had Halloween hook-ups, Christmas collaborations, Thanksgiving stuffings, and birthday booty-calls. So, that would be a yes.

And there you go. My thanks for reading and for the continued support. I love you. My cat loves you. The straybies have no idea who you even are. And Alice Cooper rocks! Be good and have a great day. Love somebody, and I might teach you how to Dougie. I’ll see you next time.

Ubuntu!