Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
A Bunch of Stuff, Ultimate X, and Julia Child
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay
My, oh my, what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine headin’ my way
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay

That song is stuck in my head right now for some reason. I probably shouldn’t admit it because it’s probably racist. Oh well, today I’m identifying as a black woman from St. Louis named Shirley, so it’s all okay. I love (rolls eyes) modern woke culture. And self-delusion is nice too. It’s time for a Day of Dougie. I’ve got life updates, Ultimate X, and from the Magic Bag, Julia Child. Doesn’t that sound like a fun time? It’s a Day of Dougie. Let’s roll.

A Bunch of Stuff

When things move around here, they move fast. Time for a few quick updates on many, many things. Where to begin? My truck? The GpFundMe? The Straybies? My nerves? We’ll figure it all out as we move along. Let’s do this.

My truck? I finally got it back. New brake lines, and it’s running, and more importantly, stopping great. And it didn’t cost nearly as much as I was expecting. George always does great work and charges reasonable prices, but I think he was really looking out for me with this one. So, I’m back mobile again and can make my appointments, be sociable, park at my spot, and watch the water flow. And just in time for the weekend, where I’ll stay home, binge on the Drew Carey Show on Tubi, and never leave the house. But if I want to, I can. And that’s the important thing.

The GoFundMe. I gave it a shot, and it was moderately successful. One amazing friend, who prefers to remain anonymous, donated, and I also had another old friend, who also doesn’t want his name shared, slip me some $$$ at the store a little while ago. I left George’s shop after getting my truck back, and this dude pulled up. We talked for a few minutes, and then he handed me some cash. He saw the GoFundMe and wanted to help. He reminded me of a few years ago when he was having rough times, and I kept him up in groceries and helped him with a few bills. I had forgotten, but he didn’t. And he threatened to whoop my ass if I didn’t take the money. So, I did.

And between those two donations, by two amazing persons, and something that I got in the mail yesterday, I’ve got the bill covered. I’ll be deleting the GoFundMe in the morning. I didn’t want to do it to start with, but it was the only option I could think of. But friends and fate intervened, and well, my water bill and my truck repair bill are both covered. I could say more, but that’s two major headaches down. My other stressful situations, I’ll keep to myself.

The Straybies? Little Red and Fuego are chillaxing together. I saw them on the porch earlier. Big Red was chasing squirrels in the yard earlier. I hope he doesn’t catch them. Those little boogers have some sharp ass claws and teeth, and he’ll be sorry if he does. And Mini-Me Goldy? He was here last night, but I haven’t seen him today. Is the band breaking up? Film at 11:00.

Oh yeah, remember the story about my long-time friend who made the BIG MISTAKE with his FB story the other day? He’s read my message on Messenger, but he hasn’t replied at all, despite the fact that he’s been online many times. His story has expired, so maybe he’s just pretending his massive man-part was not exposed on Facebook, along with his skill at talking dirty. Maybe my comments and compliments embarrassed him? We’ve been friends for forty years, plus he has seen my posts on Facebook, so he should know what to expect from me. Hell, any guy who has ever been around me more than a week knows what to expect from me. I’m a smart-ass, kind of perverted and dark, and I don’t bluff. I guess I’ve scared him a little bit. I’ll give him a few more days to see if he replies.

Ultimate X

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

A house in the country, away from everyone, and private would be great. An apartment in Wilmington, or even here in the ‘Burg, with neighbors who leave me alone would be great too. I just want a place where my cat and I can live in peace and create content for the masses to enjoy.

Have you ever used (or tried to use) a fake ID?

I did once. I took a GED test for a friend, and for the two days of testing, I pretended I was him. And I got him on the Honors list. But he fessed up and told on himself later, and then did it on his own. That’s the only time, though. I never needed to, aside from that.

Should rock stars stay out of politics?

Musicians and entertainers should use their formats to play music or entertain. Spreading propaganda, playing politics, telling their audience how to vote, how to think, etc., is abusing their fame and celebrity.

What do you think of love at first sight?

More often than not, it’s just lust and not real. But every so often, you’ll meet someone and from the first moment, know that they’re special and destined to be a huge part of your life, your future. It’s rare, but it does happen.

Julia Child

The only thing I can remember about Julia Child is that she was a French woman who had a cooking show on PBS, and was very popular in the ’60s and early ’70s, with her show, The French Chef. She was Paula Dean before there was a Paula Dean, and with more wine included. I don’t think I ever watched her show, although I do remember seeing her while flipping through the channels. My best memory of her is from Saturday Night Live, when Dan Akroyd did a skit about the French Chef. I’ll show the video.

And there you go. Thanks for reading, and thanks to my two extra-special friends for their help. It is very much appreciated, and I will never forget this. And that’s all for now. I need to go watch The Drew Carey Show. I just started with Season Four on Tubi. So, Happy Day of Dougie. I’ll probably be back later tonight with some wrestling stuff. Take care and be well, my friends. Love you, mean it.

Ubuntu!