Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #172
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 172, and I’m still here. Don’t say I don’t love ya.

Which dream holiday is on your bucket list?

A week attending WrestleMania. What else would you expect from me?

Which fictional character would you date in real life?

Jacob Black from the Twilight movies. I’ve got a thing about wolf-boys.

What’s a moment in your life you’d relive if you could?

A night at Pine Acres with Chris, where it all came together in a perfect moment. It all went to absolute hell the next morning, thank you, Daniel, but that night was perfect.

When does the Christmas tree go up?

It probably won’t this year. Actually, it’s been several years since I had a tree. Ma got weird about Christmas, and all the holidays, after her kids started dying, and now that it’s just me and her here, why bother?

Who are your 10 favorite performers of all time?

Alice Cooper, Waylon Jennings, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Sublime, Dr. Hook, Rickie Lee Jones, Struggle Jennings, Dolly Parton, and Reba.

What would you rather have, a date with Maxine Waters or a colonoscopy?

A date with Maxine. I never turn down a free meal, plus I can promise you that Maxine would be the one leaving early, raising a fit, and having a total meltdown within thirty minutes. She might even call me names, and shout, “Reclaiming my time!”. I’d have her triggered within 5 minutes, and wouldn’t even have to raise my voice or be impolite to do it.

Be honest: How would you rate your own looks on a scale from one to ten?

Probably a six or seven at best. I’m fat, need a shave and a haircut, and look homeless. My personality and my dark sense of humor are my saving points.

What are your phobias?

Spider crickets, being alone when I get old, and having to be the responsible one.

If you knew you had one year to live, how would you spend it?

Just take it day by day, and keep on keeping on. What else could I do?

What is your worst drunk habit?

I get obnoxious and I get perverted. Nobody is safe, and I will talk some major shit. And don’t call my bluff, because I don’t bluff, especially if I’m drunk. I also tend to send explicit e-mails, IMs, and texts to the wrong people. But hell, you can’t blame a guy for trying.

What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?

Squid, jerky made from Alligator, and a few suspicious-looking meals from Mr. Chavis’s home.

What’s a global challenge you think the world isn’t addressing enough?

Stupidity. The more information we’re exposed to, the more stupid the world seems to get. Common sense is fading fast.

What do people get wrong about you?

They mistake kindness for weakness. And they think I bluff. I don’t.

What’s your ultimate goal in life?

Stay alive, keep being a smart-ass, and don’t be a burden to others.

What is your stance on the existence of aliens?

They exist and need to be deported, at least the illegal ones. Go ICE!

What do you regret not doing in the last year?

Riding out to the country, apologizing for being an idea, and getting back with someone I can’t get out of my mind and miss daily. I fucked up, and my pride won’t let me fix that. It would be so easy, but I haven’t done it yet.

Do you hold grudges or let go of things easily?

Wendy’s shorted me on my change over 11 years ago. I haven’t been back there since. It was 28 cents. So, what do you think?

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the playground.

Ubuntu!