Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Family Crest, Whitney & Bobby, PJ, and Ultimate X
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Good morning, and Happy Thanksgiving. Yeah, it’s bright and early on Turkey Day, and I decided to take a break from the cooking to sit a while, reflect, and whatever else needs to be done. I wasn’t sure if I was going to cook anything or not, but earlier this afternoon, I decided to give it a try. Everyone else has gone to bed, and I’m just wheeling around here in the kitchen, listening to Steve Grand and Arlo Guthrie, putting my cooking skills to work.

So far, I’ve done the Devilled Eggs, baked beans, and potato salad. I have apples ready to fry in the morning, plus Collards in the can for Ma, and a box of Mac & Cheese waiting. All of that is simple, plus I have a boneless turkey breast waiting. This is the first year in almost 35 years of cooking that I didn’t get a real turkey bird. I’m cooking way too much as it is, but I enjoy doing this, and in a weird, but stressful way, it’s relaxing. What we don’t eat, I can fix plates and send them to a few people. This would be a good way to reunite with a certain someone. Hmmmm. But anyhow, enough on all of that.

Sad news in the neighborhood to reflect on. I had two friends pass away this past week. Well, more like acquaintances, but still. Gerald Maynor, an old friend dating back to the post-Wilmington days, aka the early ’90s. He’s been ill for a while, but I didn’t realize how seriously. We were never very close, but we got along well back in the day. He would come into the ABC store sometimes and get a shot of Brandy. We would talk and make promises to hang out sometime and catch up. We never did.

And Neighbor Boy, as I called him. Jonathan Butler. I’ve spoken of him before. We had some moments and a few issues at times. The guy had so much going for him. Looks, a personality, intelligent, and he didn’t know a stranger. But his demons won the war, and he was age 39. That’s way too early for anyone to be taken away. He wasn’t an angel by any means, but I hope that he finally gets the peace he was seeking. He leaves a lot of sad and hurt people behind.

Rest in Peace, Gerald and Jonathan. Both of you will be missed.

And now, since this is technically a Day of Dougie, I guess I should do the whole Magic Bag thing, and maybe see if I can lighten the mood. I’m so freakin’ stressed right now, but the music, the quiet, is helping. I think I just need a night off, at a quiet motel, a six-pack of beer, and no pets, family, TV, or computer. Do some old-school writing with just a notebook and a pencil. When my check comes, and the bills are paid for the month, I may just do that. A Christmas present for myself. It’s something to think about.

Okay, Magic Bag time. Three topics of discussion, right? Let’s see what we can draw from the bag. We have Family Crest, Whitney & Bobby, and PJ. And just because I can, I’ll add a few Ultimate X questions as well. Yeah, it’s going to be a long ride. Strap in and away we go.

Family Crest

I don’t think my family has a Crest, from either side. I know there is Scotch and Irish on my Mom’s side, and my Dad’s had Scotch and German. Mix in some American Indian, and you have my generation. Just some human mutts. So, what would our crest even look like? I googled Maynard Family Crest, and it’s allegedly a big name with a German history. So, I’m a Kraut? I guess all my Libtard associates are right when they call us Trumpers ‘Nazis’. Well, I used to drive a Volkswagen. Two of them, actually. But they have pictures of different Maynard family crests, and none of them appeals to me. No cats, no computers, no comics, and no wrestlers. Nah, that’s not me. I should design my own. That’s a future project for the ‘To-Do’ lists. Let’s move on.

Do you miss anyone right now?

I miss my family, Kenneth, Anna, and the Kids. I miss my ABC Peeps and the Dairy Mart peeps. I miss Theresa, Michael, and my Montclair Mafia family. I miss the Stoney Crew. And I miss Eric.

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

Just mention that I’m gay, and the women come running. It never fails.

Whitney & Bobby

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Two musical icons from the 80s. Whitney did the Dolly Parton song and had a huge hit. Bobby shared his prerogative and has been drifting around ever since, fading in and out of the spotlight. Both were, in my opinion, highly overrated, but the people bought their music, loved the good girl/bad boy couple, and they were big stars. And Whitney drove home that taking a bath with your coke is not always a good idea. Here’s my favorite BobbyBrown song that is not part of the New Edition catalog. It’s Bobby and Glen Medeiros talking about their dating lives. I could have told them this. She Ain’t Worth It.

When was your last physical fight?

I honestly don’t remember. It’s been quite a while. But don’t try me. This old man can still go if required. Woo woo woo – you know it.

Do you have an attitude?

I don’t think so, but others might disagree. I treat every person as they deserve to be treated. If that’s an attitude, so be it.

PJ

Seeing this brings back some memories, most of which I’ll deny ever happened. Lots of fruit, lots of Everclear, and lots of people drinking too much and getting absolutely blitzed without realizing it, as the fruit allows the alcohol to sneak up and lay the major smackdown on people. And the stains don’t wash out. We did a batch in a bathtub once. That tub was never white again. Not even with pure Clorox and Comet. True story.

Never has any drink tasted so good, just punch right, but caused so much chaos and mayhem. Especially if mixed with Champagne. Ask me how I know. Better yet, don’t. Just use your imagination. I am so glad we didn’t have cell phones and cameras back then. The videos, now, would be awesome, but I think many of us would be in jail or at least unable to show ourselves in public again. Just fruit, punch, and some Everclear. I remember those days so well, but if anyone asks, I know nothing. I remember nothing. And this smile on my face at some of the non-existent memories? That’s nothing too.

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Life is a show, and we all play a part. So, that would be yes. Everything has a reason and purpose. The trick is trying to figure out the what and the why of each occurrence.

Did you have a dream last night?

I did, but I only remember a little bit of it. Sitting by a river, talking to someone about my new apartment, and whether I need a helper. And I keep seeing a shadow in the water. That’s all I remember. Use your imagination to fill in the blanks.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Have a great Holiday, and be well, my friends. I think it’s time now to go to bed to sleep for two hours before I get up and finish up my cooking. I want to get as much done as I can before Ma decides that I need help. Yeah, that always goes over well. I’ll probably be back later today with some more stuff. Stay safe * Happy Thanksgiving. Love you, mean it.

Ubuntu!