Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #174
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 174, and I’m still here. Don’t say I don’t love ya.

Have you bought any clothing in the last week?

Nope. I’ve been looking at a few t-shirts that I like, but money is tight so I’m holding off for now.

When was the last time you ran?

It’s been a while. Now I walk slowly or roll around in my chair.

What’s the last sporting event you watched?

I watched a Lucha Libre AAA event on YouTube a few hours ago. Mexican wrestling with Spanish commentary is always fun.

What is your favorite animal?

Besides the usual cats, dogs, and people, I’d say otters. I remember seeing them at the Zoo when I was a kid. So cute.

Last person’s house you were in?

Besides my own, I can’t remember. Probably Kenneth’s?

Have you been in love?

I have, and I currently am. I just can’t be with him right now.

Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time?

I’ve had multiple friends with benefits at the same time, yes. But if I’m in a committed relationship, I don’t cheat. If I’m single, all bets are off and anything can happen.

Been in love with someone you couldn’t be with?

Currently, I am right now.

Ever cheated on somebody?

I had many years ago, but our relationship was over in everything but name. If the relationship is real to me, I don’t cheat.

If you could go back in time, how far would you go?

About seven or eight years ago, so I can deal with my physical issues before they become problems.

What comes to mind when you hear the words “Gorilla Biscuits”?

Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son. That was one of Fred’s favorite insults towards her. Actually, it was Gorilla cookies, but close enough.

Are you afraid of falling in love?

I am afraid of opening myself up that much again and getting hurt. Yes.

Was your last relationship a mistake?

It was too good, and he was too good to ever call a mistake. Maybe just the wrong time and circumstances.

Do you miss your last relationship?

At least a hundred times a day, yes.

Who did you last say I love you” to?

My bro-son, Kenneth. He’s my BFF and the Jay to my Silent Bob, my heterosexual lifemate.

Have you ever been depressed?

The proper question would be, are you ever not depressed? And as of late, no. I used to be happy, but now, I’m just surviving and wondering why I even keep on bothering.

Are you insecure?

Surprisingly, no. I’m withdrawn and not very sociable, but when I decide to do something or have an idea, I’m confident in it.

How do you want to die?

Painlessly, and in my sleep.

Do you bite your nails?

I do sometimes, but I’m trying to quit that. Disgusting habit.

Twirl or cut your spaghetti?

I’m a twirler all the way. (Insert gay joke here!)

Do you tan a lot?

If I actually bother to go outside, I’ll get pretty dark sometimes. But since I prefer staying home, I tend to remain a nice pasty white instead.

Ever eaten food in a car while someone else or you are driving?

Plenty of times. I’m a busy man with places to go and things to do. I ain’t got time for tables or real meals. At least I used not to.

Ever made out in a bathroom?

Among other things, yes. Convenience store bathrooms and Walmart Dressing rooms are great for quickie action. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard. I prefer cars or motel rooms, but whatever works.

Would you take any of your exes back?

Thinking back, Eric for sure. And Danny just for the sex. Why do the criminals and pieces of crap always have such good sex?

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

I would be tempted, but probably not.

What are you craving right now?

All this talk about exes, I would love a good Uber-Hug from Eric.

Have you ever been on a horse?

Only on the Merry Go Round that I can remember. Beautiful animals for sure, but I’m not a horse type of person.

Would you live with someone without marrying them?

I would, and I have. But now that I’m older and winding down, he’d better put a ring on it before trying to move in.

What’s irritating you right now?

Mom. She’s not acting right, and I’m scared she’ll need to go to the hospital before this weekend is over.

Does somebody love you?

I know that there are a few that do, but I still feel so damn alone as hell most of the time.

Have you ever changed clothes in a car?

Quite a few times. Yes.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you on the third floor.

Ubuntu!