Tossing Salt Presents:
12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas
Day Six: Hamburglar, The Village People, Blue, and Ultimate X
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me six geese a-laying. I wonder if these are the geese from St. Andrews College? Theyre not quite as frequent or active since the college was shut down earlier this year, so I guess they need to go somewhere. Remind me to tell you one day about Quacky Joe. He was a goose from St. Andrews that my brother, his mini-me, and I got to know rather well when we used to go to the college to feed the ducks and geese. He was more than a mooching duck. He was a legend. But, more on that and him later.

Today is Day Six of the 12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas. I’m not feeling it, and I’m stressed as hell, but I always meet my commitments, even if they’re self-imposed, and thus, here we are. Keep us in your prayers, please. Especially Mom. And now, let’s get to stepping so I can hit post and be finished for the day. From the infamous Magic Bag, the topics of discussion for today are Hamburglar, The Village People, and Blue. I’ll add a few Ultimate X questions as well, and hopefully, one of them might be holiday-related to fit the Christmas theme. We’ll see. Now, let’s roll.

Hamburglar

A big part of Ronald McDonald’s posse back in the seventies and eighties. The Hamburglar was the sneaky one who had the shifty eyes and wore a mask, who lived to steal hamburgers. Yes, he was a true role model for countless children to come, but they steal packages, beer, and hearts. Why was he never locked up? He probably was, but the big, fat purple thing, Grimace, the predecessor to Barney the Dinosaur, would bail him out every time because that was his only friend. At least that’s my theory. Hamburglar was a creepy ass dude. He reminds me of some of my former neighbors, but not quite as creepy. I’ve always heard that there is one in every group. For the Ronald McDonald group, he was their one. ‘Nuff said!

Should pineapple be a pizza topping?

Pineapple and ham, also known as Canadian Bacon, as a pizza topping is delicious. So, that would be a yes.

Has a family member ever stolen money from you?

Borrowed and not paid back. Yes. Taken more money than was agreed upon? Yes. Taken money from my stash, account, or wallet without asking? Yes. Do I still love them? Yes. Do I like them or trust them? That part remains questionable at times.

The Village People

The band of the ’70s, not named Dr. Hook. This group was so unique and stood out so well, you couldn’t help but notice. The movie, “Can’t Stop the Music”, is somewhat autobiographical, and the music these five men created is outstanding. Yes, I am a fan. I was FB friends with Randy, the cowboy, for a while. He lives here in North Carolina, and it was fun to follow his life and appearances. The best thing about the Village People was that, when you looked past the characters, the music was incredible. Everyone knows YMCA and In the Nacy, but listen to songs like Save Me, and it’s like being at a Broadway show. A talented band, underrated, but no one defines the ’70s better. They will always be in my Top Ten.

If there were a scratch-and-sniff map of the United States, what would your state smell like?

Cheap marijuana, despair, lies, and Walmart.

Which decade, in your opinion, had the best fashion trends?

How would I know anything about fashion? I’ve dressed the same for forty-plus years. The only change in my wardrobe was that I replaced jeans with shorts because they’re easier to put on with the fake leg. I may be gay, but I have no sense of fashion or clothing. Those abilities are still hidden in the closet. The best fashion? The seventies were jeans and t-shirts, and most of my wardrobe these days is shorts and t-shirts, so let’s say The Seventies.

Blue

The first thing that came to mind for me when I saw this topic was a fantastic song by LeAnn Rimes called Blue. It came out in the ’80s, was originally written for Patsy Cline, and the then-13-year-old Rimes killed it. It was amazing. But this is a Christmas-themed column, so I need to do something of a holiday nature. Thank you, YouTube and Elvis. Here’s Blue Christmas. You’re welcome.

What do you think happens after death?

Wow! This is a tough question because I’ve never really given it much thought, at least not while I’m sober. I think it’s a case-by-case thing, and the time beyond depends on your individual beliefs. Christians go to heaven or hell. Hindus are reincarnated. Lost souls wander forever. And no particular answer is right or wrong. What you feel and believe in your heart determines the answer to this. I think I’m going to end up a spirit that haunts Convenience stores. But who can say? Who really knows? Not I.

Define your music taste with 3 artists.

Waylon Jennings, Alice Cooper, and Sinatra.

And there we go, with Day Six in the books. That wasn’t too bad, and Ido feel a little better. Writing is my way of dealing with stress and anxiety since I have nobody to drink with, and I don’t do drugs. Thanks for reading, and for the continued support. I’ll be back late tonight or tomorrow with Day Seven, and probably some wrestling stuff as well. The questions are starting to pile up, and I have three columns outlined. As I mentioned earlier, please keep us in your prayers, especially Mom. I love y’all way much. Merry Christmas.

Ubuntu!