Tossing Salt Presents:
12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas
Day Eight: Kraken, Black Velvet, Green Eyes, and Ultimate X
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me Eight maids a-milking. Milking what? I don’t own any cows. Forget the milking. Grab a broom or mop. Get a rag. Go clean something. It’s a damn maid. We need to wash clothes. Get to stepping.

Okay, I would be a harsh master and overlord. At least I pretend to be. If I actually had a maid, we’d probably be making reaction videos for YouTube and talking about the neighbors. I could use the help here, but I doubt that will ever happen. And no maids. A Mexican pool boy, though? Nice.

Welcome to Day Eight. I just finished writing Day Seven, but I’m trying to get ahead of the game while I’m in the mood. My mood? I’m listening to Christmas music, tears running down my face, and crying like a baby. I warned you earlier that I’m stressed and my nerves are totally shot. Well, they’re not getting better. I’m just dealing in my own manner. It’s what I do.

So, Day Eight. Let’s get some topics and figure out what is on the agenda. Where is the infamous Magic Bag? Ok, I found it. And the topics of discussion for today are Kraken, Black Velvet, and Green Eyes. We’ll add a few Ultimate X questions, and damn it all, we’ve got a post for the site. And I’m sure that something will be holiday-related. Let’s roll.

Kraken

I googled the word Kraken, and the first thing that pops up is some kind of Crypto garbage. I don’t do crypto. I do money, aka cash. The second thing is Rum. Now, this I know about. A mid-shelf rum in a dark brown bottle. It’s a decent brand and sells well, but not nearly as good as the Bacardi or Malibu. I’ve never actually tried it, but I’m not a big fan of rum. Jack Daniels, Crown Royal, or cheap vodka for me. But it was a favorite of a few of our customers who would average two to three visits a week to pick up a 5th. I also think Kraken refers to a mythical sea creature with many arms, many tentacles, and a taste for Captain Jack Sparrow, aka Johnny Depp. I just hope it doesn’t crap the bed. Yes, it’s a fascinating creature if you’re a fan of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Well, enough on that. Let’s move on.

Do you believe we should prioritize memories over material things?

Material things often provide the stimulation to bring up memories, and sometimes, those memories are of material things. So, which one matters most? For every person, it’s different, and depends onhow we’re wired.

Has the world become desensitized to violence and mass shootings?

People don’t care anymore and are indifferent to anything that doesn’t involve them personally. No one has feelings or emotions anymore.

Black Velvet

Well, there’s the song by Alannah Myles that was so popular in the ’80s, but that’s not what we’re talking about today. A blended Canadian Whiskey is more what comes to mind for me. And Black Velvet? It’s okay. Not great, but if you’re out of money and want some watered-down rip-off Crown Royal, Black Velvet is a good substitute at about half the price. The Apple flavored, though? It’s rough. Stick with the Crown Royal. You’ll be glad you did. And now, here’s the song. Enjoy.

Should social media platforms censor hate speech?

To a point, I suppose some rules are necessary, but I hate censorship and believe in free speech, even if it is hateful or mean. And what is hate speech? I guess standards have to be accepted, but hopefully common sense will be the determining factor, and not just the whim of some liberal nutjob.

Does every family have at least one “Uncle Bob”?

Absolutely. And if you can’t determine who the “Uncle Bob” is for your family, it’s probably you. Just saying.

Green Eyes

They get me in trouble every single time. Eyes are the mirror to the soul, and areusually the first thing I look at when I’m getting to know a person better. And for some reason, the green ones seem to capture my attention the most. There are exceptions, of course, but some dark-skinned individuals have emerald green eyes. And I’m hooked. Every single time.

You’re offered $1,000,000 to sing an entire song, word for word, without any mistakes. What do you sing?

This is a cover of a classic Fleetwood Mac song. Be warned, I’m not a singer, but this song, as covered by Waylon, is amazing. The more you know.

And there you go. I hope I didn’t scare anyone with that last video, but I’m a writer, damn it, not a singer. That’s why I don’t do many videos and prefer the written arts rather than sitting around making YouTube videos all day. But I love that song, so I decided to take a chance. Consider it a Christmas present to you, fine folks, my outstanding, amazing readers. If you want more, just let me know, and I’ll down a brewski or ten and try to do something.

And I guess that’s all for now. I’ll be back tomorrow with Day Nine, plus most likely, some other stuff. Stay well, my friends. Keep Mom in your prayers, and have a Merry Christmas. Who loves ya, baby. I’ll see you later.

Ubuntu!