Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #182
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 182, and I’m still standing. Don’t say I don’t love ya.

What is the best way to handle the pain of a relationship ending?

Stay positive, don’t dwell on it, and keep on keeping on. In other words, don’t do anything I’ve done over the past year.

What’s your favorite song that mentions a list—or itemizes anything?

Since we just finished up with Christmas, how about the 12 Days of Christmas? Or better yet, the 12 Redneck Days of Christmas.

What song do you want played at your funeral?

How about The Barney Song? Yeah, that’ll work.

Name two actors with the best on-screen chemistry.

Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, aka Jay & Silent Bob.

What do you do when someone knows you well, and you have talked to this person so many times that they might be offended if you tell them you don’t know their name?

This is something I’ve dealt with many times over the years, working with the public. I use the terms Bro, cuz, Dude, boss-man, brutha, Papa, etc. Who needs a name when a good all-purpose nickname works wonders?

How often do you check your DMs?

I check whenI get a notification. I often suck at responding, but I do check them.

What concert left your ears ringing for days?

AC/DC in Raleigh, NC. My ears took days to recover.

What bodily function do you wish would go away?

I hate having to poop. It’s so disgusting. A necessary evil, though. I don’t want people to say I’m full of crap.

What’s something you’d consider unforgivable?

If someone hurts a child, a pet, or an old person, that can not be forgiven, nor shall it be.

Have you ever had your fortune told?

Plenty of times, but not by a “fortune teller”. It was often in regular conversation with friends, family, etc., during discussions about our lives and what comes next.

Do you consider abortion healthcare?

No, I consider it to be needless murder and the slaughter of an innocent.

What are the top three things that stress you out?

People, my family, and life.

What movie was so sad for you that you would never watch it again?

I won’t say sad, but it’s certainly sickening and disturbing. A Serbian Film. I’m not disgusted easily, but that film did it.

What goes well with chili, but you can’t say crackers?

Crushed up Doritos and Corn Chips go quite well in a bowl of chili.

What’s the fastest way a young man can ruin his life?

Drugs, alcohol, being around the wrong people, and falling in love with me. That never turns out well.

What alcohol made you say, I’ll never drink that again?

El Toro Tequila. It whipped me so badly when I was seventeen, I swore never again. And now, 42 years later, I still won’t touch that crap.

Apart from “hello,” how else do you answer your phone?

Either Yeah!” or “What?”.

When was the last time you did a random act of kindness?

It’s been a while. I’d have to leave the house and interact with people to be kind to them, and I hardly ever do that anymore.

What do you feel the most proud of?

I’m still alive and fighting the fight. I want to give up and quit, but I haven’t yet.

Have you ever been on a blind date?

No. All of my past dates have been with sighted people.

If you could only have three things on your life bucket list, what would they be?

Go to WrestleMania, have a wedding with a very special person becoming my husband, and watch Kayden and Julez graduate and have their own families.

What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

I met a guy at work, and my manager told me to train him and not to scare him off. He became my BFF, my de facto son & brother, and family in every way, but blood.

What band or artist did you see at a tiny venue or a club before they became huge?

Bucky and Rocky Covington. Ducky Medlock. And I spoke with Janis Ian, but this was thirty years after she was a star.

When you think about life, what are three words that come to mind?

Responsibilities, pain, and endurance.

If you only had a month left to live, would you tell anyone?

Nope. I’d quietly get my stuff in order, destroy all incriminating evidence on my computers and phones, and quietly count down the final days.

Name an addiction that society has fully normalized.

Drugs. In California, they’re not even illegal anymore, and the government gives out kits and needles. So what if people die as a result? Progressive politics at its worst.

Would you actually date someone who’s over 10 years younger than you?

The guy I love is 24 years younger than me. Age doesn’t matter, and the heart doesn’t care anyhow.

What is extremely unhygienic but everyone seems to do it anyway?

Eating ass. And I get it. It’s nasty, but a good shower, some soap, and it’s fun. It’ll be alright.

What do you realize about the holidays as you grow older?

Based on the past few, they’re just another day on the calendar. Holidays are for kids, and as you grow older, you’re just glad to see them pass by and be over with.

What would you do if someone bought you a MAGA Hat for Christmas?

I’d put it on my head, say thank you, and wear it proudly.

What do you think is the most appropriate response to liberals who keep gluing themselves to roads?

Leave them there to figure it out for themselves. Add some traffic cones to make sure no one runs them down, but don’t allow anyone to bring them food or water either. They put themselves in that situation, so they canget themselves out of it.

Can you accept a man or woman who smokes?

I’d probably ask them not to smoke inside the house, but yeah, I can deal with it if I love him.

What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

When I let the doctors amputate my right leg. I should have explored other options and sought different opinions rather than listening to the two doctors so quickly.

What was the last time you did something spontaneous?

I went to the mailbox earlier today. Does that count?

What’s your favorite Disney character?

Donald Duck. I can very much identify with him in so manyways.

Is there anyone you wish you could reconnect with?

My Montclair Mafia crew of Jim, LeeAnn, Greg, etc. And Eric. I miss him so damn much.

When do you feel the most alone?

When I’m here at the house, with no friends, my only family fighting me with everything they have left, and I have nobody to talk to or confide in as I face what lies ahead. I didn’t ask for any of this, but I deal with it every day with no help and little support.

Is it rude to bring kids to a “no kids” wedding if you couldn’t find a babysitter?

The wedding says No Kids for a reason. If you can’t find a babysitter, stay home. Otherwise, yes, it is very rude.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Christmas tree bonfire.

Ubuntu!