Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Cats, Future Life Mistakes, Faith, and Ultimate X
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Welcome to 2026. Yes, we’re in the new year, so what better way to start this new era than with a Day of Dougie? Isn’t that how it goes? Eat collards, don’t wash clothes, kiss someone at the stroke of midnight, and write a blog? Well, I slept through the new year, waking up at 12:05 am. I ate a Mac & Cheese Bowl for breakfast, and I’m on my third load of laundry, washing clothes. I may as well try to get one of them right. So, it’s the Day of Dougie. By the way, I started this on January 1st. Today is the fourth. I got distracted. My bad!

I need a shave and a good haircut. I’m looking now like a retired rocker from the sixties on a reunion tour. But I’m killing it with this mullet. Why am I craving a shot of Jack and a Marlboro Light right now? Ihave no idea.

But enough small talk. I’ll give details for things like medical updates, the perils of life, and the happenings here on Montclair Drive later on in future editions of the blog, but for now, let’s just jump to what we’re here to do, and that’s talk about random topics of discussion drawn from the infamous Magic Bag.

So, let’s can the chit chat and find some topics. We have Cats, Future Life Mistakes, and Faith. I’ll add a few Ultimate X questions to the mix as well, and it looks as if we’re going to have a post. Are you ready? Aye Aye, Captain. Let’s do this.

Cats

Beautiful animals who make everything better. Just like little people, but hairier and with more attitude. And they poop in a box. But I can’t imagine a life without them, be it Mouthie or the Straybies, who, by the way, don’t run away from me anymore. I can’t pick them up, but Feugo, Lil’ Red, and the Mini-Me Gpoldy will get under my feet and allow me to quickly pet them before they act offended. Baby steps. We’re only here to serve them, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love my fur-babies. Well, most of them. Sparky? Oy vey!

Men who can cook. Who taught you?

My dad, grandma, and paying attention, not wanting to starve.

What’s it called when a man takes a woman’s last name?

Do men actually do this? I’ve never heard of a man doing this, but in today’s world, it makes sense. What is it called? Liberalism, and being whipped. Maybe social climbing.

Future Life Mistakes

That was my nickname for all of the sexy young athletes from St. Andrews College who used to come into the ABC. Doing anything with those hot, sexy, attractive young men would be a huge mistake, but one that I would often be willing to make. No regrets. Come to Daddy.

What is the best country in the world?

The United States of America. And if you don’t agree, you’re an idiot and leave. We don’t want or need you. USA #1.

How many pillows do you sleep with?

There are seven on my bed, plus a bed-hog of a cat. I like the cushioning effect.

Faith

I’m getting tired of writing, and my blood pressure is quickly rising, as this damn dog won’t leave me alone. So, I’m taking the chicken-shit way out. Faith is a song by George Michael. Here it is. Enjoy!

What do you notice first about another person?

The way they act, carry themselves, and their eyes. And the butt too. I like a nice, sexy butt.

What’s your favourite soft drink?

Either Mt. Dew Zero or Pepsi Zero. I alternate between the two brands. And I just tried, for the first time this weekend, a Wild Cherry & Creme Pepsi, and it’s good. Very good. I won’t be able to continue drinking it often because of the sugar and my diabetes, but I would recommend it. It’s good.

And I’m calling it quits here. I’m just not feeling it right now, and I’ve had to stop seven times because of the dog. It’s just not happening today. I’ll try again later to do something. Stay well, my friends, and keep being awesome. I’ll see you later.

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