Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #184
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 184. It’s 2026, and I’m still standing. Don’t say I don’t love ya.

What do you find yourself thinking about the most?

Unfortunately, most of my pondering is the woe-is-me crap about my current life, my life or lack of, and what the future holds. Yeah, I’m a ball of joy.

What’s the best way to waste time?

Sleeping, listening to music, or talking dirty with guys on the internet.

Can you reject a good woman just cuz they got 3 kids with different fathers?

I would reject a woman just for being a woman, but that aside, if I am attracted to and have feelings for someone, and the vibe is right, I’m not worried about kids or past lovers. My focus is on them and them only.

Do you think everything happens for a reason?

Yeppers, I do.

Do you ever watch an older movie and try to figure out how old the actors would be and/or what they look like in the present day?

Not so much because most movies and television shows, I already know the fate of my favorite actors. But, in real life, I would often see customers back when I was working and try to guess where they’re headed as they age and get older.

What one thing makes someone a very mature person?

How they react to life, and the consequences and changes it regularly brings.

Is being brutally honest a bad thing?

I prefer honesty, no matter how brutal it may be, to lies.

Would you forgive cheating if it was just one time?

It depends on the person, the context, and the situation. I am capable of forgiving. But honestly, I’ll never forget.

At what age did you find out there was NO Santa?

No Santa? What do you mean? What are you talking about? Santa is still real to me, damn it.

Do you think transgenders are mentally ill?

If you live in a fantasy world and pretend to be something that you’re not, then yes, you are delusional and mentally ill.

What is the dumbest thing you ever done?

There are so many things to choose from, I can’t pick one thing. I’ll go with falling in love. The pain it brings if it doesn’t work, and sometimes even if it does, is an agony Iwouldn’t wish on anyone.

What is the most unique or unexpected animal sighting you’ve ever encountered?

I’ve had close encounters with dogs, cats, possums, raccoons, owls, squirrels, snakes, foxes, and deer. The most unique was one night on my back porch. I was sitting out there and just daydreaming and happened to glance over, and an owl was sitting there, just watching me, less than four feet away. We watched each other for a while, and I spoke softly, and he hooted. Then, I asked about my letter from Hogwarts, and he threw me a disgusted look and then flew off. True story, except for the Hogwarts part. Amazing moment. A beautiful bird.

Have you ever won an award/trophy?

I won a partial scholarship to a writing school in Virginia after entering a poetry contest back in high school. Does that count?

What do you think the most unpleasant sound is?

The cat is throwing up a hairball in the middle of the night. And when a friend says, “I hate to ask, but…”. I think you know the rest.

You wake up in New York. What’s your next move?

I make two phone calls to see Brent and Russ, and then, after doing that, I get my ass in a car, hope I don’t get mugged, and get my happy ass back to North Carolina, where I belong.

What immediately tells you that a person wasn’t raised right?

How they treat and act towards others, the manners they do or don’t show, and their behavior in public.

When you were a kid, did you ever have to walk to the store to buy stuff for your parents?

All the time. I even went and took a note from my Dad to buy cigarettes a few times. I was 6-7 years old. It was a different world.

You’re making a seventies playlist…what are the first three songs you’re adding?

The Bertha Butt Boogie, by the Jimmy Castor Bunch, Sylvia’s Mother, by Dr. Hook, and Funky Worm, by the Ohio Players.

If polygamy were normalized with zero judgment, how many wives would you actually want?

Wives? I’ll pass on that entirely. As for husbands, I’m a one-person type of guy, and if I’m committed to one person, I’m with him and only him. No extras are necessary.

Without naming the place where you’re from, tell us something it’s famous for.

Drug addicts, high crime, and corrupt politicians.

If you’re a guest at a gathering where the meal you’re served is absolutely awful, what do you do?

I fake it, play with the food, and quietly dispose of my plate after enough time has passed. Or I simply decline because I “ate already”.

What is something that will immediately ruin your day?

Volunteering for something that I didn’t agree to by someone else, listening to someone feel sorry for themselves and acting like a total ass, and persistent interruptions when I’m trying to accomplish something.

What is one thing that will always make you laugh?

Yo’ Mama Jokes, and The Big Bang Theory.

Do you think money brings happiness?

It doesn’t bring happiness, but it does make some things more pleasant.

Do you think Trump should’ve notified Congress before going in to capture Maduro?

If the President had notified Congress beforehand, there would have been leaks, and the capture of the dictator never would have happened. The President did exactly the right thing.

On a scale of 1–10, how important is music in your everyday life?

Music gets a big old 10, every time.

Can you date someone with no money?

I have in the past, and I probably will again. I’m not a materialistic person, and money doesn’t matter to me. It never has. Be a good person, be honest, and the rest will work itself out as we move along.

Who’s your favorite TV show family of all time?

I’d fit in well with the Conner family from Roseanne if I had to live with one, but my favorite will always be The Addams Family.

What do you do when you need some inspiration?

Listen to music, read, or talk to my cat. It all works.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the bar.

Ubuntu!