Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #185
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 185. It’s 2026, and I’m still standing. Don’t say I don’t love ya.

What would you like to have more time to do?

Write, create without interruptions, and chill with my infamous Bro-son.

What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to learn?

How to play the piano… and speak fluent Japanese.

Have you ever run into a bear, mountain lion, bobcat, or coyote in the wild?

No, none of the above. But I have run into foxes, owls, possums, raccoons, and more snakes than I care to think about, both the two-legged and the slithery type.

What’s a crime that shouldn’t be considered a crime?

That damn seatbelt law. For kids, yes, but if you’re over 18 and a legal adult, you should be able to decide for yourself whether to wear a seatbelt or not. It’s a money-grab for the cops. I get it. But it’s not right.

Do you think of yourself as an optimist or a pessimist?

Neither. I’m a realist who considers all possibilities, both good and bad.

Do you prefer meeting new people or staying close to friends?

I’ll stick with my tried-and-true approach to friends. New people tend to suck. Not all, but more often than not. Plus, training the new friends properly is a pain in the ass.

If you could live with a fictional character, who would you choose as your roommate?

I don’t think I want anyone as my roommate, but if I need to pick one, it would be SpongeBob Squarepants.

What was the one place your parents dropped you off and disappeared for hours?

The library, my friend’s houses, school, etc.

If I were to make you dinner, what would you want to be on the menu?

I’d take whatever you chose to prepare. I’m not picky and just having you fix me dinner means the world.

If you made any New Year’s resolutions, have you kept them up or totally forgotten about them?

I didn’t make any this year. I’m just taking it day by day.

Do you ever ignore people at work?

Not often, but it did happen on the personal level a few times. I was always polite, professional, and never deliberately ignored any coworker, but non-business communication, it was known to happen.

Do you feel younger or older than your age?

Older. Far older.

Do you or someone you know need prayer?

My bro and his family, my Mom, my sister, Eric, and yes, me. All of the above.

What’s one thing about yourself you’re trying to improve?

I’m trying to make myself more open and sociable again. It’s not working, but I am trying.

Do you wish you had more or fewer siblings?

I have 4 siblings by blood, two by marriage, and about a dozen by fate/choice/circumstance. I think this number is just right.

Stuffed pizza crust or plain?

Plain crust on a heavily loaded Meat Lovers pizza. It’s not the crust that matters, but the pizza itself. I want plenty of meat. And pineapple.

Define your life in 1 word.

Confusing.

What would YOU do if someone hit your girlfriend or wife?

I don’t have a girlfriend or wife, but if someone hit a MAN I was involved with, I would raise hell and show my ass quite prominently. I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was, or something like that. I would make my displeasure known in some manner.

What’s worse than being lonely?

Being lonely in a crowd, surrounded by fakeness that takes you for granted.

What destroys a man the fastest?

Trusting others and opening up too much to the wrong people.

What’s your go-to comfort movie or show?

Right now, it’s The Big Bang Theory.

What is your favorite dish to cook?

I love making Chili, homemade Veggie Soup, or Chicken & Dumplings. Means that are easy, practical, and can last for several days.

What is the most dangerous animal you’ve seen up close?

Human Beings. Nothing is more unpredictable or dangerous. Aside from that, a Mama cat when you’re trying to take her babies.

Be honest, do you consider $1,000,000 as life-changing money?

As my life is currently, twenty bucks is life-changing money. So, a million bucks? Yes, that would absolutely change my life.

Where do you feel the most comfortable?

In my bed, listening to music on my phone. No people, no pets, no light, but the glow of my phone, and no sounds, butthe music and the sound of my fan. Total bliss.

Would your younger self be proud of you?

He’d be proud of me for still being alive and surviving, but the rest of it, I don’t think he’d approve because I knows I can do better.

Would you rather get snowed in at a cozy cabin or watch the sunrise on the beach?

I’ve had more than enough cold to last a while. Let’s go watch the sunrise at the beach.

Would you quit your job tomorrow if you had $1 million in cold, hard cash today?

Nope. I loved the job I had and the people I worked with. I would give anything if I could go back to the ABC. Money isn’t important. Being happy is, and when I was able to work, I was.

Someone tells you their pronouns are they/them. What is your reaction?

So? I’ll call them by their actual name, use a nickname, or just call them dumb-ass, depending on the context we have to speak. I couldn’t care less about the make-believe pronoun garbage.

Would you rather have 30 million dollars or 30 million loyal friends?

Give me the money. Trying to maintain that many friendships would be too exhausting.

If aliens were to visit Earth, who would you recommend speak to them on behalf of humanity?

Dolly Parton. After all, everyone loves Dolly.

Who is your go-to person when you feel like your world is falling apart?

Either Kenneth or Theresa most likely, but to be transparent, I’d hate to bother either of them, so most likely, I’ll just use my website, listen to some music, and write. It’s almost as good as a therapist or shrink.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the bar.

Ubuntu!