Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #186
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 186. It’s 2026, and I’m still standing. Don’t say I don’t love ya.

Who’s your favorite fictional couple?

Jay & Silent Bob, aka Heterosexual Lifemates Kevin Smith andJasom Mewes. And if they’re too real, let’s go with Morticia and Gomez Addams.

Have you ever had a crush on someone you shouldn’t have?

Many times. I always appreciate a good-looking guy, and my mind often thinks dirty thoughts about them. But if they’re off limits, I respect that. There is a huge difference between a crush and taking action.

What’s your favorite thing to wear when you want to feel confident?

Shorts and a t-shirt. I’m a simple man.

Do you have any fantasies?

I have many, but I can’t speak of them here. But the names Eric, Ronnie, Carmen, and J. are all involved.

What’s your biggest personality turn-on?

A person who tells lies. I hate a damn liar.

What’s your biggest physical turn-on?

A nice butt, and eyes that just draw you in and hold your attention.

What’s the cheapest thing someone can buy you that makes you happy?

Just their presence and attention. I don’t need any materialistic things.

What’s your favorite breakfast?

Pancakes, sausage, and juice. Simple, but yummy.

Your restaurant bill is $106. How much would you tip the waitress? Let’s say she did just an average job.

Probably ten bucks. Ten percent seems high enough.

How would you describe yourself in just one word?

Dougielicious…

What are the chances you’d vote for Gavin Newsom for President in 2028?

That will never happen. I’d write in Woody Woodpecker before voting for that crooked-ass idiot.

We know that women sometimes steal hoodies from men. What is it that men steal from women?

We steal their heart.

What’s something new you’d like to try?

Tap dancing. Okay, maybe not.

What are three words you would use to describe your life?

Conflicted, lonely, and isolated.

What’s the last thing you binge-watched?

I did a binge-watch of Dark Shadows a few nights ago on Tubi. I’ve seen most of the episodes, but it’s always nice to go back and enjoy the magic one more time.

If you had to choose one song to describe your life right now, what would it be?

Faith No More – Falling to Pieces.

Are you the type to plan dates or go with the flow?

I don’t plan anything. If I make plans, plans get screwed up. It’s better to just go with the flow and see what happens.

What kinds of things do you prefer to do alone?

Write, watch movies, sleep, and read.

What prevents most people from getting rich?

They grow content and won’t take risks or chances. At least that’s what happened to me.

Why are so many 20-40-year-old white women crazy?

They grew up entitledand lack common sense more often than not. Not all, but far too many. And it’s not just women. This new generation is spoiled, entitled, and delusional. They don’t believe in reality, and haven’t faced consequences, and it shows.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever given someone?

I’ve given my heart, my soul, and my body. Take your pick.

Does having money make you happy?

It makes things easier, but money doesn’t determine happiness. Only being happy does that.

If everything has advantages and disadvantages, what are the advantages of Death?

No more fighting. No more hassles or pressure. Once you die, it’s not your problem anymore. As the saying goes, you can finally rest in peace. Damn, that sounds good.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the bar.

Ubuntu!