Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Updates
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Howdy ho, folks. It’s your boy, Dougie. Guess where I’ve been? Not writing here at the site. That’s for sure. Well, the past month has been different, as in not too good. A quick synopsis, if you will.

My foot is infected, badly. The doctors want to amputate and turn me into a giant Weeble. I’m already missing one leg, and now they want to take the other one. And to that, I say nay. My only remaining foot is already missing three toes and a sizeable portion of the base. I know it’s inevitable that I’ll have to have it removed at some point, but I’m fighting it as long as I can. But that is old news. As they like to say in commercials, “Wait! There’s more!

Long story short, I fell out of bed this past Monday night. I had been feeling weak, bad, depressed, and just out of synch all weekend. And I barely had any strength. And I slid out of my bed to the floor. And I got stuck between the bed and the wall. I was wedged in there tight, unable to move, and my arms were useless, too weak to do anything. It was a dilemma, and I was trapped & scared. So, I yelled and screamed for about an hour before Ma finally heard me and came to investigate. We called 911, an ambulance came, and they got me out.

Are you still reading? They took me to the hospital to get checked out. And here is the diagnosis. I had a stroke. A minor one, but still serious enough. I stayed in the hospital from Tuesday morning until Friday afternoon, trying to get my strength back and being visited by every therapist of every type in Scotland County. It’s all about amputating the foot and trying to recover from the stroke. I’m probably only 70% of what I was, but I couldn’t take the attention, the hovering nurses and fake concern, the pity, and, against the doctor’s recommendations, I asked to be released to come home.

Not smart, but I’m a writer, not a theoretical physicist specializing in string theory and dark matter. And I’ve quickly learned that this place kept me stressed before all of this. It hasn’t gotten any better. But the alternative was an assisted living/rehab facility in Florence, SC for “just a couple of weeks”. I detest asking for someone to pass the salt, and to be the subject of that much change and attention? I get anxiety attacks ordering pizza. And to be shipped off to change everything in my crazy little world, and forgotten like that one-night-stand at Pine Acres back in 2001 with a prominent member of the local community, that just doesn’t work for me. And no, I’ll never tell. The handcuffs were fun, though.

So that’s why the site has been dormant. It’s taken me 45 minutes just to type this out, and I am exhausted. I don’t know what happens next, but I’m still here and taking it as it comes. And now, I can add stroke victim to my resume. Joy! So, say if you don’t mind, say a prayer for your boy, and I’ll keep on keeping on. Thanks for the support for the site over the past 20+ years, and the love and friendships that have kept me going. I’ll update more as I can, and I’ve got some hospital stories for you. Scandalous! And funny. Film at 11:00.

And I guess that’s all for now. I’m straining here to keep typing. Have a great Day of Dougie, and be sure to love somebody, and let them know how much they mean to you. Give them that uber-hug. I’ll be back. Woo woo woo – you know it.

Ubuntu!

P.S. – Just because I can…