Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
A Day in the Life
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

It’s 3:00 am on Tuesday morning. I can’t sleep. So here I am, listening to the soundtrack of Jesus Christ Superstar. I love this music. I am so damn cold. I can’t get warm. I was in bed, wrapped up like a burrito, and I was still shivering. And I have a slight, but annoying, headache. It’s been here all day to varying degrees. My brain is fogged up, and the body, my hands and arms especially, feel as if someone else is in control. If this is the new normal after the stroke, I really don’t like this life. It feels so surreal and odd. I can’t write. I can’t think clearly. I’m going back to bed. I’m not tired at all, but maybe I can sleep for a few hours. Wish me luck.

And now, it’s roughly 24 hours later, 3:10 am on Wednesday morning. My foot is hurting, and I can’t sleep. I slept most of Tuesday afternoon and evening, and that may have something to do with it, too. Yesterday ended up being a traumatic and nerve-wracking day. Would you like to hear some details? Of course you would.

I woke up. I came to the computer and checked my bank balance. Has my disability check been deposited yet? The answer is yes, so it’s time to pay some bills. I sit down and get busy. Spectrum, the water, Duke Energy, and my truck registration/property taxes. All paid within twenty minutes. I look, and I’m low on Dew Zeros. So I do a quick Walmart order. We don’t need anything else, but I ordered my Dews. some water, treats for the dog, and hot dogs for Ma.

And then I decided that, since I still had a slight headache, I would go back to bed so I could lie there in peace and scroll Reels on Facebook. So, of course, here comes my cat. And the little asshole pees on me. Just a quick little stream, and none of it touched me, but he got my blankets. And I freaked. I was yelling, cussing, and having an absolute fit. The cat ran from the room, although I think I saw a satisfied, evil smirk on his face as he fled from the room. Damn cat. So I get up, quickly pull all the covers from my bed, along with pillow cases, and throw everything inside the dirty clothes hamper next to my bed. I guess I’m washing clothes.

So, to sum it up, I washed two loads of clothes and changed the bed covers. mopped the kitchen, washed the dishes, and recorded myself doing a cover of “Hurt” by Johnny Cash. It may end up here someday, but my voice is getting weaker each day, even though I talk to others or speak so little. And my delivery arrived. This turned out to be cool.

The delivery guy from Walmart was a young, black man named Michael. Very friendly and very cool. I thought he looked familiar, but he asked me first if he knew me. A regular customer from the ABC store. And we spoke for several minutes. And I even remembered what it was that he used to buy when he came into the store. A fifth of Popov vodka, and usually a pint of Henny. He doesn’t party as much anymore. None of us does. But we spoke for a few minutes, and it felt so good and cool to actually talk to someone for a few minutes, in person, who wasn’t trying to judge me, tell me what to do, or control me. Someone I’m not related to. It was a nice change.

And then, after all of that, I went to bed. Clean covers and a fresh bed. I fell asleep almost immediately. And although I got up a few times to pee, I slept most of the afternoon and evening away. And here we are now. Yay!

I think that later today, I’m going to try to get to my truck and drive around the yard. I haven’t driven in nearly two months now, and while the truck has been started, moved, etc., I haven’t been the one. Hell, I haven’t left the house since the middle of February, the last time I got out of the hospital. So, if I can make it down the steps and to the truck later this morning, I’ll try to drive for a little bit. Wish me luck.

I need a haircut badly. Anyone out there interested in coming to my home and giving me a trim? I just realized that it’s been almost a year since the last time I stepped foot into a barber shop. I have trimmed myself a few times, cutting around the ears and trimming the bangs, but that isn’t as easy as it once was when I couldn’t stand up for more than a few minutes at a time. I love the length and want to keep that going. But the top is so thick and getting worse every day. I just need someone to come in, bring some scissors and clippers, and thin it out on top and on the sides.

Jennifer, from CLIPS, used to be available, and she will come to your house if she knows you. She used to cut my sister, Terri’s, hair regularly. She’s been here before as well. But I just checked her FB profile, as well as the CLIPS FB page, and it seems as if she’s sold the business and moved on. I’ve got her phone number, and I’ll try to call her later today. But if she can’t do it, I’ll be on Facebook later today looking for volunteers. Or, if anyone feels brave, hopeful, and wants to do me a huge favor, well, I’m here. It’s nothing major, and I will pay you, but I need to do something. I need some real-life human interaction anyhow. Think about it. Call or message me.

I suppose I’ve spoken enough for now, so it’s time to wrap this mother up. Thanks for reading and for the continued support. I’m not doing well, and things are not getting better, but at least here, I can pretend, right? And I really do need a haircut. I love ya. I’ll talk to you later.

Ubuntu!