Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #188
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 188. It’s 2026, and I’m still standing. Don’t say I don’t love ya.

What do you want your funeral to be like?

Simple, to the point, and quickly done. Perhaps have a few people share a few words, play my video of singing ‘This River’, and then throw me into the oven for some ashes. Put the box in a spot with the rest of the family in Wagram. Quick, and be done with it.

You were just handed a free one-way airplane ticket to any destination of your choosing. Where are you going?

I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to leave my house.

What’s an unpopular opinion you have that you actually feel really strongly about?

Illegal immigrants are criminals. If you can’t come into our country by following the rules, legally, you need to be deported. No exceptions. Support ICE!

What are you thankful for?

I’m still breathing and alive. ‘Nuff said!

Which TV show cast would you want to be adopted into immediately?

Roseanne. I’d fit into the Conner family perfectly.

Do you still keep in touch with friends from your school days?

I did until the past year or so. Now, not so much.

If you could create your own podcast, what would it be about?

Wrestling, music, and life from a Dougie point of view.

Does life get better as you get older?

Not for me. The past year or so has been absolute. shit.

Honestly, would you pick your mum again in the next life?

Yeah, I’d keep her. She drives me crazy, but she’s a good one.

If you were a ghost stuck in one place forever… where would you haunt?

The Scotland County ABC store. I’d give a whole new meaning to fine spirits.

A friend loans you $200 to gamble, and you win $200M, how much are you giving your friend?

It depends on which friend, but I think 10 million would be appropriate.

If you could have any one item of immense value in your home, what would it be?

The original Mid-Atlantic Championship title belt from the late 70s, and Jim Crockett Promotions.

If you were given the chance to make your one wish come true, what would it be?

To get my leg back and be healthy.

What are you slowly losing interest in?

Everything. Life in general.

What is something you consider too serious to joke about?

Child abuse and molestation. Nothing else is off limits.

What do you wish you did more of?

Socialize with other people, and get Uber-hugs from Eric again.

If, for some reason, you lost all of your music, what is the first album you would buy back?

The soundtrack to Jesus Christ Superstar,

Do you have a shower twice a day?

I used to, but now I rely on the pigeon/whore bath. I can’t physically get into the shower safely anymore.

Did you ever go to a drive-in movie theater?

When I was a kid, yes.

Do you feel lonely when you are alone?

I feel lonely all the time.

You’ve just walked into a shopping mall. Where’s the first place you’re going?

The bookstore or Spencers.

Can an animal be considered part of the family?

Yes. My cat is, and I guess so is that annoying dog.

Would you rather personally explore the deep sea or outer space?

I’d go with the water and under the sea.

Would you get on a plane with a glass bottom?

No, I don’t think I would. I don’t like heights.

What’s the most recent thing in your internet search history?

Research about constipation and poop.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the bar.

Ubuntu!