Tossing Salt Presents:
Day of Dougie
Hospital Chronicles IV
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

On Monday afternoon, I was released from the hospital after a nerve-wracking stay of nearly a week. It was an interesting experience and I had plenty of time to do many things that I rarely do, such as watch TV, listen to music without interruptions, and write. I had a notebook with me and if anything crossed my mind, I wrote it down. I didn’t have computer access so it was old-school pen and paper notes. It didn’t matter either. An interesting statement, a song lyric, an idea for a fiction story, a topic on the news, a random thought, or just anything. If it seemed like it might be something that I could write about here at the site, I made a note of it for future reference.

And now, here we are. It’s time to go through this notebook and just talk about whatever. If I wrote a song lyric, I’m going to share it. If I come up with an idea for a story, I’ll share it. If a phrase or comment caught my ear, I’ll share it and explain why. And if I had any adventures, which I did, we’ll share those too.

This is more for my benefit than anything else, but it’s a good look at how my mind works, especially while I’m stuck in a bed for six days and having some body parts removed. It’s a Day of Dougie series, The Hospital Chronicles. Hopefully, I can make this entertaining for you, my faithful readers as well. I certainly plan to try. So let’s quit the chit-chat and just do this. Are you ready? Let’s roll.

Thoughts:

I wonder what I am to you
What do you see?
A fat old man
A Guiding Light
A perverted creep
You’ve got me under your skin
Is it fiction or reality?
Am I just your prop?

Question: Steve Harvey or Richard Dawson. Who’s the best host for Family Feud? Answer: Harvey is great, but Dawson paved the way and set the bar. It’s like comparing steak and chicken. It all depends on what you’re in the mood for.

Song: There is a country song called ‘Bouncing Off My Booty Cheeks’. It’s the real deal. I need to look it up.

Quote: “I never understood the fascination with Barbie, but I could sure strip Ken with my teeth.” – Peg Bundy (Married With Children).

Story Idea: Master of the Unknown and former Avenger Dr. Druid forms a new team of Avengers to deal with alien and supernatural challenges, all under the auspices of SHIELD. Possible members include Hellcat, Isaac Christians, aka The Gargoyle, Cadaver, Isis, and Dr. Adam Spektor.

Lyrics:

Standing on my head
Trying to represent
My love to you
A number one fan
Always the man
But only if you want me to

Exams, demands, cancel all the plans
Moving forward
Nothing left behind
Trucks, the ducks
You just don’t understand
To thyself, I must be true

Work on it.

Question: Should Biden and Trump debate? Why is Joe so scared?

Question: Would you change jobs for your pet?

Pondering: What is pickleball and why is it a thing? Inquiring minds want to know. All I can think of is a giant pickle being slapped around with tennis rackets over a net.

Thoughts: Alan Rickman played both Severus Snape in the Harry Potter movies, plus played an angel in Dogma. He was cool.

Identity: I identify as Non-Bidenary.

Thought: Gaza Protesters are shouting that “There is only one solution”. And I agree. Wipe Gaza off the map and anyone that supports those insane terrorists, lock their asses up too.

Thoughts: The pits. The shitz. The Barroom blitz. I thought so too. But then I tried it anew. And it blew!

Thought: My sister just called me. She told me that she knew that I’d been depressed and wanted to let me know that if I ever needed to talk, she was there for me. And my thoughts? It all sounds good and I appreciate the sentiment, but she’s always been spoiled and thinks about herself. If I was to speak to her, it would end up being about her and she would spill all at the first opportunity when she gets mad or wants to deflect criticism or arguments against her. Sad, but true. I love her, but I don’t feel it and truthfully, I doubt I ever will. I appreciate the sentiment, but I’ll pass.

Goal: I saw a recipe for Cool Whip Candy. It looks good. I need to find the recipe again and make this stuff. I can already feel my sugar starting to spike, but damn, it looked good.

Coming Soon: The Doug Maynard Show: A YouTube show with something about everything, much like this notebook, but in audio and video form, plus lots of wrestling mixed in for good measure. I need to make it happen.

Question: Whatever happened to the dude that used to do the ShamWow infomercials? And Stephen, the guy from Dell? I should look them up and find out. And one day, I probably will.

Quote: “If he is satisfied with it, it has to be good!” An older black woman about her husband on a RoofMax commercial.

Note: April is Arab-American Heritage Month. I guess that I’d better break out my underwear bombs. At least this explains all the Pro Hamas protests and riots. They’re not insane or stupid. They’re just showing some appreciation for Arab-American culture by hating Israel.

Quote: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a donut this nice before!” – Patrick (Sponge Bob).

Reflection: A nurse just asked me if I needed anything and when I said no, she responded, “You never do!”.

Note: Dr. Adam Clark stopped by to check on me and how I was doing. He’s the same one who recommended a couple of days ago that instead of just having my toe removed, that instead, I do a full below-knee amputation of my entire foot. I used to like this guy. I don’t like him all that much anymore. What a dick! And I don’t mean that in a good way.

Note: A woman from Housekeeping came into the room. We had spoken before and she seemed really sweet. She asked how I was doing and what happened to my foot. I explained about the gangrene of the toe and the amputation. And she told me about her father who had a double below-knee amputation almost fifteen years ago. She’s Japanese and speaks broken English, but I had no problems understanding her and it was a pleasant conversation as she told me about her dad and the ups and downs of his situation. She offered me good wishes and gave me a quick hug, something that I’m sure is not part of her job or even allowed, but it was so damn cool. It was a bonding moment and I appreciate it and her.

Lyrics:

I’ve got questions
Where are the answers
Please tell me
Let me know
My fate, my future
Aew in your hands
Please tell me
Let me know

They say I am an adult
Land of the free
But it doesn’t feel that way
If I come
If I go
Whatever comes next
Depends on what you say

I want to go home
I want to go home
Just say the word
Let me be free
Let me go home
Make the call
Let me go home
Let me be free

Quote: “You’ve done really good. You’re the most stable patient I’ve seen in this hospital!” – Doctor to me as he’s telling me that I’ll be getting released and going home. And I’m thinking, if I’m the most stable patient he’s ever seen, DAMN!

And that brings me to the end of my notebook that I was writing/scribbling in during my recent stay at the hospital. There are a few more attempts at lyrics and songwriting, but I’m not ready to share those yet. Maybe next time, right?

Thanks for reading and putting up with me on this stuff. I know that most of it doesn’t make any sense, but it helps to clear off my desk and gives a peek inside how my mind works when I’m stuck in a hospital bed for nearly a week, stressing out and overthinking the world. Writing is cheaper than seeing a shrink. Anyhow, thanks again to my loyal readers for everything. Hopefully, it’ll be a long time before I do anything like this again.

Now, let’s close up shop for the day. It’s nearly 4:00 am and I should probably go to bed. Take care and be good, my friends. Thanks again. Comments, thoughts, and ideas are welcome and appreciated. I’ll see you at the Tiki Bar.

Ubuntu!