Notes To Myself XII
June 7, 2018
Roseanne, Fic Ideas, Hee Haw and More…
DougMaynard.com

It’s been an eventful day to be sure. I woke up, went the the eye doctor and picked up my new eyes, did Food Lion and put a roast on in the crock pot for dinner tonight. Then it was an hour long nap and now getting ready for work. But alas, I have an hour to go before I actually have to leave and go to work. So what oh what shall I do? How about tackling the minor stackage of papers and notes that I’ve written to myself that are quickly cluttering up my desk. Yes, my lovelies, it’s time to do an ediition of the ever-so-popular and always eclectic “Notes To Myself”.

Amd I starting writing that on Monday afternoon. Now it’s Wednesday night and here I am, starting again. I probably should just trash the original opening and start again, but then again, why bother? I’ll just leave it there and continue where I left off, kind of like the show Roseanne before ABC went into full freak-out panic mode and cancelled the show after star Roseanne Barr, who has a history of being a looney-toon and tweeting stupid stuff, acted like a looney-toon and tweeted some stupid stuff. I feel badly for Roseanne because she’s the victim of the classic Hollyweird double-standard and since her comment was about Valerie Jarrett, an associate of former President Obama, and got the royal shit-can treatment. If she had made the same comment about a Republican (Ben Carson perhaps) or President Trump (comparing him to the birth child of a human and orangutan), no one would have said a word. But she made the comment and it was totally stupid and everyone went crazy and the show was cancelled and the only actually entertaining comedy show on Network TV, with the highest ratings of any network sitcom for the past ten years, got shelved. I get why ABC did so and as Bobby Brown used to sing, that’s their prerogative. But not only was Roseanne fired and slammed, but the rest of the cast, including John Goodman, Sara Gilbert and Laurie Metcalf, got slammed as well through no fault of their own. There continues to be talk of a reboot of the reboot with a new show focusing on Gilbert’s character, Darlene and starring Dan, Jackie, DJ and the rest of the cast, but no Roseanne. I guess she’ll die during the between season “surgery” and the show will show the family moving on. Who knows, but this shall be interesting to watch and see what happens.

And see how it goes. In the “Notes To Myself” pieces, I just tend to ramble and go off on whatever comes into my mind, as well as the items I’ve written down on my literal “notes to myself” that are cluttering up my desk. Let me go throw some clothes in the dryer and I’ll be back and we’ll start tackling the stack of stuff. Hang on a second and then it’ll be time to get busy. That what he said! I’ll be back.

And I’m back. I think that later tonight, I’ll go and update all of my profiles at all of my various social media sites. My profile at FanFiction.net hasn’t been updated in several years although to be honest, I haven’t written any new fics or stories in many years either. I’ve written nearly 70 fiction stories about the Avengers, Dark Shadows, wrestling, NCIS, WKRP In Cincinnatti, In Living Color, and so many other things, but nothing recently. The old stories are good. I have a few new stories that I was working on involving Dr. Druid and a reboot of his character in Marvel / Netflix style, but I got distracted and lost interest and now it’s been sitting half-finished in a computer folder. I also have a great story about a rebooting, in the Marvel comics universe of course, of the government led faction, Freedom Force. Just lots of stuff and although I have several plot bunnies written down and a few new ideas even outlined, the new stories haven’t been coming. They will though and when they do, it’ll be with a big time impact. Believe that. Anyhow, go to http://www.Fanfiction.net and look me up under the writer tag “TSFiction19”. Read my stuff. You’ll be glad you did.

What ever happened to “Cool Whip”? Back in the day of the parties and crazy times at Roy Gee’s out in the land of milk and honey, also known as Hasty, NC, there was this really cool and cute as hell guy who was part of the festivities who was named “Cool Whip”. I don’t remember his real name and wasn’t even close to him back in the day, but he was a nice guy, always smiling and friendly. And I don’t know why I just thought about him, but I wonder where he is these days and how he’s doing. And how did he get the nickname “Cool Whip”? I have my theories, but I also have a dirty mind and am probably wrong. I suspect he’s probably married these days, working in a plant somewhere and doing the happy family, 2.5 kids, thing. I should try and find out.

Here are a couple of ideas for “Video of the Day” for the site. It has “Let’s Go All The Way” by Sly Fox and “Rico Suave” by Gerardo. Great songs and big time 80’s rocking hard to the max. I don’t have to use them for the Video of the Day thing. I’ll just say it here. Go find these songs and videos on YouTube and listen. You’ll enjoy the songs and like the videos and probably have the songs in your head for several hours after listening to them. Good music and good stuff. Go listen. Let’s rock!

For some reason, the past couple of weeks at the store has seen a large increase in the popularity of Jose Cuervo’s Pink Lemonade Margarita? We sell it at the store and it’s always done okay, but nothing spectacular. Then about two weeks ago, people started buying it and calling, asking about it and what we had quickly sold out. And the phone calls continue. First it was Taylor Port, a wine, and now it’s this. I asked a woman about it and she said that she saw it on Facebook. Further investigation says that it’s mentioned in a song. So if we want to increase sales of an item, just mention it in a song and the people will go nuts and have to come and try it. I could make some comments about people not thinking for themselves and trying to be “cool” and part of the crowd, trying the latest fad, etc, but I won’t. The stuff is, from what I understand, pretty good and hell, I like Jack Daniels, partially because it was a Frank Sinatra drink of choice so if I say too much, I’ll be a hypocrite. Come buy the stuff. We’re out now,but we get a truck next week. Buy all you want. We’ll get more. And come buy the half-pint bottles of Taaka Vodka. It’s less than two bucks and the stuff is relatively decent, especially when you look at the price. I’m so tired of looking at that stuff. Come buy it and I’ll even give you a hug… if you’re cute… and a guy… and have pretty eyes, a great smile and a cute ass. Damn, I need to get laid.

Moving on. I got my car back from the shop this afternoon. The water pump, the radiator, the fan at the front of the jeep, etc. All munked up and needing to be replaced. And it’s not cheap. But I have a lot of trust and faith in the folks that did the work and they cut me a break some on the bill. No extra perks or frills for this month coming up and money will be tight, but it had to be done. And I’m back on the road and driving again so no complaints. Big thanks to George Jr. for a great job, for being an excellent mechanic, a great story-teller and a good friend. I owe you a bottle, my friend.

Speaking of fiction stories as I did earlier, here’s a idea clip for a fic based on the Roseanne series. The plot-bunny that I wrote, while at work of course, is that Roseanne takes her Ambien and kind of zones out into a dream state that has her visited, in “A Christmas Story” sort of way, by three ghosts. I was thinking of using the characters of Joan Rivers (RIP), Paul Lynde (RIP) and Hulk Hogan as the ghosts because they’re fun to write and just imagine the one-liners that I could use. These characters talk to Roseanne and give her “advice”. Maybe throw in a cameo by someone from Planet of the Apes and then have Roseanne “wake up” and realize what she tweeted while under the influence of the meds. I’m saving this story plot because I think it would be fun to do and I’ll off work this upcoming weekend. It’s not like I have any friends to hang out with or things to do (I have no life) so maybe I can sit my fat ass down and write this. The getting started is the hard part, but if I can ever get the first few lines written, the rest will come pretty easily. Should I write this story? Would I probably end up pissing off a lot of people if I did? Probably, but it’s all good. It’s just an idea for a FICTION story. Well, one that’s about as realistic as most of the crap that comes from ABC anyhow. I’ll keep this on the back burner and we’ll see what happens. But if it does happen, you’ve been warned.

Why did Crown Royal quit putting the bags on the pint sized bottles? They’re still there for the Fifth’s and half gallons, but the smaller, personal bottles, don’t have the bags on them anymore. At least the one’s that we’ve been getting don’t. Why? I went to the Crown Royal website and tried to find out and got nothing. I’ve been trying to catch the representative of Crown Royal when he comes to the store, but thus far, he’s been very elusive. So where are the bags. What the hell happened? Suckas gotta know! Does anyone know? I’m suspecting that it’s a cutting cost thing by Crown because those bags are not cheap, but if that’s the deal, say so. That’s their gimmick and trademark and Crown not being in a bag is like Ric Flair not “Woooooing” or Abdullah the Butcher stabbing someone with a plastic straw instead his ever-present fork. Whassup with dat?

Remember the group, the Dixie Hummingbirds? They had a big hit with the Paul Simon penned song, “Loves Me Like A Rock”. A great song. I’ve got a couple of cassettes around here by them. Haven’t listened to them in several years, but I stumbled across a video on YouTube of Paul Simon, Stevie Wonder and the Dixie Hummingbirds doing this song at a tribute to Paul Simon. Stevie messed it up and they had to start over, but the video is great and these men can sing. I love the older groups like this anyhow and this band, the Dixie Hummingbirds, aside from having that great name, was one of the best of their era.

And finally, I have thie note there that I wrote to myself about something to do, video wise, to have fun with on the site and maybe Facebook too. It’s a way to generate views, show the masses that I do have a fun and lovable side and most importantly, break myself out of my comfort zone and actually let my guard down a bit. The idea, stolen directly from the show Hee Haw, is to gather up different people, friends and family and all of those im between, and do the classic Archie Campbell routine of “Where Oh Where Are You Tonight.” It would be a series of less than a minute videos, with me doing the first verse, wearing my overalls and a straw or coyboy hat of course, and the other person standing next to me with their back turned, turning around to do the chorus and of course the big rasberry at the end. I think it would be funny, simple to do and entertaining. The thought of being that loose on camera and video scares the hell out of me, but the good and fun of it are still making me consider doing this. I am not a photogenic person and I know this. Yes, I am a truly sexy beast, but it has to be appreciated in person (or in the bedroom), not on a video or audio recording. That’s why I’m a writer. But this idea is stuck in my head and I may end up having to just say “What the fuck!” and going for it. I have the overalls and the hat and the pitchfork. I know the song and writing a quick verse for each “guest” would be easy and fun. So should I do it? Any thoughts? Let me know.

And with that, I’m closing this up. I’ve broken the ice now and written something for the site and the fire has been lit so I think I may go tackle one or two more things before I go to bed. Or I may go watch videos on YouTube? One of the other anyhow. But this ends now. Thank you for reading. Any comments, thoughts, questions, dirty jokes, suggestions or anything else is welcome and appreciated. I want your feedback, my Peeps. Have a great might and if you need a haircut and live in the Laurinburg / Scotland County area, go to Clips Haircuts For Men, two doors down from Food Lion at the Scotland Crossing Shopping Center in Laurinburg. Jennifer does awesome work at a reasonable price with great service and a short waiting time. Tell her Dougie sent you.

Was that a cheap plug? You betcha! But Jennifer and Clips are damn well worth it. And now, I really am gone. Have a great one, stay safe and may the force be with you. Snootchie Bootchies.

Ubuntu!