A Day Of Dougie
If I Will…
May 18, 2020
DougMaynard.com

Awake at 3:30 in the morning and all is not well
I should be asleep
but instead, I find myself awake and wondering if…

If I will ever be free of the pain that has become my constant companion?

If I will ever find contentment?

If I will ever be able to relax in the company of others again?

If I will ever find and experience true love?

If I will ever manage to take these stories and characters that keep running throughout my mind and bring them to paper for others to experience?

If I will truly ever be able to trust?

If I will able to be myself instead of being forced to present a mask when around others?

If I will be able to again walk on the beach or dance in the moonlight?

If I will ever be happy?

I should be asleep and dreaming the dreams of a man looking forward to life and what lies ahead.

Instead, I’m awake and my thoughts are of apathy and dread.

And that is probably why I am and will always be, forever alone.

I will survive.

I will continue.

I will never quit.

I just wish there was a different path to follow and another way.

I’m just me.

And I will…

May 18, 2020
3:44am