Questions By Casper XXV…

Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper XXV
August 3, 2020
DougMaynard.com

One of the more interesting people that I follow on Twitter is a man named Tyler (The Ghost) Casper. (@tyler_casper) Check him out and give the man some love and a follow. Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, he asks a lot of questions. And the regular readers of this site know how I am about questions, right? So I went down his Twitter feed and copied several of the most recently asked questions. And now, for your reading pleasure, it’s time to provide a few answers. So are you ready? Let’s do this…

Why can’t I get no, satisfaction? Even when I try and I try and I try?

Because you’re a rube… and a pinhead… and a pencil-necked geek. Stupid idiot!

Do you believe there is a Deep State?

Do you mean a mass conspiracy by people in the government and behind the scenes that actually control Washington and our lives far more than we realize or believe? Absolutely. Illuminati is real!

What do you do when you get that “Creepy Crawley” feeling?

I tell the guy to go home. We’re through (for now). And then I social-distance my ass for a few weeks until I want some creepy crawling.

Can you tell when someone is lying to you?

With some people I know, all they have to do is speak and you automatically know it’s a lie. But yes, my bullshit detector is pretty efficient. I wish my gaydar was one half as efficient.

Is there a foreign language you wish you could speak fluently?

These days, trying to understand what passes as English is hard enough, but I do wish I had the ability to speak Spanish fluently Then my co-worker and I could talk even more shit about people and no one would ever know.

What are your thoughts on mail-in ballets?

I left the spelling error in the question. I think Casper meant “ballots”, which I think are ripe for abuse and asking for problems and corruption as the Democrats attempt to steal the 2020 election. But the question says “ballets” and I’m thinking of mail-people dancing to Swan Lake and wearing a tutu. You do what? Send off a check to Russia and they mail you a ballerina? Don’t tell Joe Biden about this. He likes them young. So does Bill Clinton for that matter. #BillClintonIsAPedo. ‘Nuff said!

What is your favorite story?

The one about those two clerks in New Jersey. They worked at a store and then it burned down and they worked at a fast food joint called Moobys. And then they were fired but ended up re-opening the store they originally worked at when two drug-dealing hetero-lifemates loaned them money after getting a movie check. I think it’s called Avengers: Endgame!

Can you draw things?

I can draw conclusions when presented with the facts, but that’s about it. I can’t draw a straight line with a box of rulers, artistically speaking. That’s why I write.

Can you paint things?

With a can of spray paint in my hands, I can do some major coloring and street-art.

What is your favorite cookie?

Chocolate chips, followed by oatmeal raisin and Oreos.

Do you have a set amount of time for screen time?

I fit in time when I can, but there is no definite limit.

What is the weirdest feeling you’ve ever felt?

Falling in love and then getting my heart ripped to shreds. Not a good feeling. And anal.

Have you ever had a catheter?

Not to my knowledge and I think I would remember that.

Have you ever been to an active dairy farm?

Nope. My Grandma had a cow when I was little but to an actual farm full of cows, I’ve never done it.

Have your ever gone barrel racing?

Again, that would be a no.

Have you ever gone bareback horseback riding?

Well, I’ve gone bareback and I’ve ridden horses (and guys who were hung like a horse) so that would be a maybe?

Do you play computer games?

No, I do not. I’m not into them and leave that stuff to my bro-son and nephew of awesomeness who both excel at that kind of thing.

Are you an online gamer?

Again, that would be my hetero-lifemate and bro-son, the Infamous Outlaw K-Mak who does that stuff. He’s good at it. I’m not and prefer to just write and do these Q&A things.

Does it offend you that I say Christmas?

Why should it offend me? Christmas is one of the most wonderful times of the year.

Is it too early to start talking about Christmas?

It’s never too early. What are you getting me?

Have you started Christmas shopping?

Not yet.

Do you have any New Years’ resolutions for 2021 yet?

Continue to work as long as I can, expand the site to include video, parodies, and other things of that nature, get rich, and fall in love with a great man and be happy.  

What is something you wish you had done when you were younger?

There are many things that come to mind when I ask myself that.  

If you have kids, are they homeschooled?

No kids, but one bro-son. He’s almost thirty so no homeschooling necessary.

Were you homeschooled?

Nope. My Mom practically threw me out of the house every day to go to school and “learn something”.  

If you had to pick one of your 5 senses to lose, which one would you pick?

Probably smell. That seems like it’d be the easiest to live without.

Do you like the smell of freshly cut grass?

So long as I’m not the one who has to cut it, yes.

Do you like the smell of skunk?

They are beautiful animals, but damn, they are some stinkers as well. That would be a no.

Where is the scariest place you’ve ever had to spend the night?

With your boyfriend when you were working the third shift that night. Did you know he talks in his sleep… and snores.

What is the most annoying smell you’ve ever smelt?

The smell of sorrow and fear, especially if it’s coming from me.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions that you’d like to ask, feel free, and drop me a line. I’m out of here for now. Work beckons. Until the next time, stay safe out there with the crazies, and don’t forget to wear that mask. I’ll catch you on the flip side. Take care.

Ubuntu!

@0000

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