Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #139
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 139, and I’m still standing. Let’s do this.

Would you take your family to a Gay Pride parade?

I wouldn’t go to one so why would I take anyone I care for or respect to one? The Q, T, I, and A have taken over and these so-called pride parades have nothing to do with being treated equally or fairly, but are degenerates and perverts looking for attention and destroying every gain that we’ve made in the last sixty years. So, that would be a no. Besides, for my family, I’m all the gay they need.

Which music legend reigns supreme? Frank Sinatra or Bob Dylan.

Dylan is a good songwriter, but his voice grates on my nerves. Sinatra will always be a legend and the true Chairman of the Board.

Is tipping culture out of hand?

I tip based on service and how much the person earns it. It should NEVER be mandatory. And now, we have tips already figured in, plus outrageous demands for the most basic service or tasks. Yeah, it’s gotten insane.

What do you have trepidation about?

Name it and I have anxiety about it. I’m falling apart.

Have you ever sat in the work bathroom for 5 minutes just to “reset”?

The work bathroom, the stock room, the cooler, or in my car. Guilty!

How old were you when you first learned how to shoot and learned proper gun safety?

My stepdad taught me how to shoot and care for a gun when I was 8 years old. And when I was ten, we were out in the yard, shooting at targets regularly.

Did your parents believe in spanking as a form of discipline?

Yes… and it worked.

Do you believe in second chances?

Second, third, fourth, and so on. It takes quite a bit for me to totally cut the ties and finally say no more. Well, it used to, but not quite as much anymore. But when I finally do, it’s overand permanent.

If you could attend the premiere of any classic film, which one would you choose?

RebelWithout A Cause – starring James Dean, Natalie Wood, and Sal Mineo, in 1955. That would have been awesome!

What do you usually eat for lunch?

Most likely, chicken nuggets.

How do you deal with a stressful environment?

I grit my teeth and act as if everything is okay on the outside, while full of anxiety and doubt on the inside. I muddle through it and go through the motions. And I write… a lot.

You wake up as Batman. What’s the first thing you do?

Contact the Justice League because I’m not Batman and obviously, there is something sinister going on. And take a joyride around Gotham City in the Batmobile.

What music do you usually play on a road trip?

Alice Cooper and Waylon, with a touch of the best of the ’70s and ’80s added in for good measure. Spotify is a wonderful thing and I like variety.

What has been the worst phase in your life?

The past three to four years. I’ve lost my leg, half of my other foot, a job that I loved, two siblings, most of my friends, and most of my independence, and we’re on the path where I’ll probably lose the rest of my family within the next year or so. When it rains, it pours. And I’m riding out a typhoon on an inflatable raft. It’s been and continues to be, one helluva ride.

What are your hopes for the future?

I just want to survive and hopefully, be happy at some point. Or at least content.

What are the things you love the most about yourself?

I’m funny, I’m a relatively good writer when I want to be, and people seem to like me for some reason.

When you become rich, who is the first person you will spoil with your money?

My bro and his family. If I have anything, they will always have it too. It really is just that simple, and no one deserves it more.

What’s the first thing you think of when you see Andrew Dice Clay?

Little Boy Blue. He needed the money!

When was the last time you cried?

A few minutes ago. I came across a picture of an old friend and as the memories filled my head, tears leaked from my eyes. We had some good times, Kever. Miss you, brother.

Capital punishment – for or against? I’m talking about people who 100% without a doubt committed the heinous crime.

Killers, rapists, and anyone who would hurt a child or an old person need to face justice. Fry their ass! Capital punishment is a necessary evil. I’m in support of it.

What are the facts about you that you think I would find difficult to believe?

I used to be sociable, and happy. I used to be on the go 24/7 with friends, family, and work, and it was always full-steam ahead. All gas – no brakes. And I’m a fairly decent writer, sometimes.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Cheesecake Factory.

Ubuntu!